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Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

Search Results for: new movies

5 Vampire Movies That Suck the Delicious Virgin Blood Out of “Twilight: New Moon”

by admin on October 31, 2015
in Movies

Update: I originally posted this in November 2009 but am digging it out again as it’s decent, no one remembers it and I didn’t have time to get anything fresh together for Halloween 2015. Do you like the vampire films? Then please read on – you may find one you’ve missed.

Up and coming comedian, Bo Burnham, made a joke via Twitter two days ago that has stuck with me and induced chuckles ever since.

@boburnham: i cannot wait to see the next instalment of twilight. apparently, the real weakness of vampires/werewolves is shirts.

shirtless-twilight-boysEdward & Jacob only thought they had their respective weaknesses figured out.

Transylvania 90210, as I’ve decided to refer to New Moon for our purposes, premieres tonight across the universe and has set ticket pre-sale records that have left Spiderman and Lucas in the dust. It’s easier for me to believe that Vampires actually exist than to get my head around the popularity of these books and movies. Yes, I watched Twilight. In between shots of Kristen Stewart biting her lower lip in angst there was some semblance of a vamp tale. For many young people (girls), however, this will be their introduction to the rich lore of the fanged ones and that’s a frightening thought.

As a potential remedy that no one will pay any attention to, here are my 5 favorite batty flicks, and I’m hoping the legions of Mullen and Black fans get around to watching them before being forever convinced that the undead won’t kill you if only you have a secret crush on them.


Jerry Dandridge makes Edward Mullen look like Louis Skolnick

5. Fright Night: Yes, that Fright Night. Second only to Road Warrior on my “films to rent for sleepovers in the 80s” list, if you haven’t revisited it since legwarmers were in style – do yourself a serious favor. Chris Sarandon was born to play the slick vampire that moves in next door to Charley, creating a Disturbia sort of surveillance situation that leads less towards house arrest anklets and more towards exploding heads. Currently being blessed/cursed with the remake treatment. Hopefully not starring Robert Pattinson.


Swedish Girl Guides sell those little red fish door-to-door. Then fucking kill you.

4. Let the Right One In: This incredibly well-conceived, original and terrifying pool scene is the tip of the iceberg. I hadn’t even heard of this movie (it’s a Swedish film released only last year) until I started thinking about this article last night. I quickly downloaded it and can see why it has garnered such a fast vamp-fan appreciation. Uber-violent Stockholm romance with lots of children thrown into the mix as a bit of a differentiator. As for the title, watch the above clip and see if you think the little boy might have possibly just let the “wrong” one in. Come on – the Swedes have had it easy for a long, long time. It’s nice to see some bloodsuckers thrown into their fish-eating midst.

High on the list of nightmare-inducing movie scenes from my childhood.

3. Salem’s Lot: This Stephen King-authored spookfest was originally a TV miniseries, so when you plop down in front of the DVD release you’ll know why it clocks in at a whopping 3 hours. Directed by Tobe Hooper of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame and starring Hutch (David Soul) the parts are better than the whole. James Mason is excellent in one of his last roles and I double dog dare you to find a scarier vampire movie scene than this spectre of a boy scraping the pane with his undead little fingernails (shudder).


“Gimmie a couple shots of whatever donkey-piss you’re shoving down these cocksuckers’ throats.”

2. Near Dark: The most underrated and overlooked film on my short list came out in 1987 to minimal applause, but has since evolved into cult status and holds a place near the top of every other “best of vampire” film list you’ll be able to find. Bill Paxton had made Aliens only the year before, and a little bit of Hudson spills over into his likewise over-the-top (and likewise no less awesome for it) portrayal of Severen. In spite of his mullet, Lance Henrikson personifies evil as Hooker and the above scene might just inspire you to head down to your local, get drunk and start swinging. Or dismembering.

The absolute pinnacle of nightmare-inducing movie scenes from my childhood.

1. Nosferatu: My preadolescence was a worse place for having accidentally run across this absolutely horrifying movie on PBS one Sunday evening during my 6th year on Earth. I’d be dreading the dark long before the street lights came on as a result. My cowardice is somewhat vindicated, however, because Count Orlock is no less terrifying to this day. Not bad for a movie that’s barely a fang shy of 90 years old. Also excellent in its own right is the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire which imagines made-up funny and frightening events during the filming of Nosferatu. Casting Willem Defoe as Orlock probably saved the production thousands on makeup.

These are my personal favorites when it comes to blood-suck-fests, so don’t burst a vein because I left off Horror of Dracula or Lost Boys. Turn your dark side into lemonade, or something, and list your own favorites in the comments below. Happy New Mooning.

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What Will I Nerd-Out Over Now? A New Ghostbusters Movie!

by admin on July 31, 2008
in Movies

Indiana Jones 4 came and went. It provided me with nearly a year of anticipatory nerdery, the likes of which I never thought I’d enjoy again. Today I’m glad to say I was wrong. From IMDB:

Steve Carell and Seth Rogen are to reteam for a new Ghostbusters movie, according to Internet reports. The funnymen are at the centre of a huge new movie rumour, which has been reported by DreadCentral.com. According to “a reliable source, who cannot be named”, Carell and Rogen will join the original four Ghostbusters, Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson, for a third film. According to the website, the original GhostBusters stars will hand over their “proton packs” to the new guys, for what insiders believe will be a new run of spook-chasing movies.

I remember reading once that the GB franchise was going to be revived in the mid-nineties, starring Chris Farley and Chris Rock among other younger talent. And I know that there is a next generation console Ghostbusters game in development with Akroyd and others lending their voices and even helping to write the underlying story. Am I just a ginormous toolshed? Or is this really cool news? Maybe don’t answer that.

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Heath, We Hardly Knew Ye

by admin on July 19, 2008
in Movies

I can sum up my opinions on the intricate and supreme masterpiece that is The Dark Knight in only one word: holy fucking shit, Batman. Everyone involved in the movie, from Chris Nolan right on down to the art director, brings their A-game and this is really one for the ages.

This summer has been a complete mental overload for me in terms of anticipated movies. I have now seen 2 of my top 3 – Indy 4 and TDK – with Tropic Thunder still a month away. The new Batman film, coupled with the remarkable Iron Man, have renewed my faith in the Superhero genre which I haven’t really paid any attention to since I was a little kid watching Superman II at an Ottawa-area drive-in. Not since General Zod came to town have I given a rat’s hindquarters about caped crusaders and I am glad to say that Bale, Freeman, Gyllenhall, Caine, Oldman, Eckhart and especially Ledger have slapped me back into DC/Marvel fandom.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSZkAIi7U-o[/youtube]

But it’s easy enough to parrot what everyone else is going to tell you about the film, so whilst I slurped coffee/played Scrabulous this morning I tried to really pinpoint reasons and moments behind Dark Knight kicking me in the bat-balls.

  • Katie Holmes isn’t in it. Her replacement, Maggie Gyllenhall makes up in actual talent what she lacks in her predecessor’s looks.
  • Comparing Ledger to Nicholson is apples to oranges, really. Heath’s Joker isn’t better than Jack’s, it’s just another extremely strong facet of the best and most unique superhero movie of the last 20 years. Burton’s original film and Nolan’s reboot are very different universes and neither Joker would fit well in the other’s greasepaint.
  • The special effects employed to turn Harvey Dent into Two Face will curdle your blood. I’ll leave it to you to find out exactly what I mean.
  • The ‘truck chase’ I’ll call it, when the Joker tried to capture Dent as he is being moved between jails is truly amazing – from the driving to the effects to the sound to the surprise twist upon its conclusion.
  • The ‘ferry scene’ and the way in which the people of Gotham surprise the joker with the humanity he didn’t believe they possessed is clever and touching.
  • The writing overall, particularly the many ways in which the Joker surprises and outsmarts the police, makes me want to start my own script. It’s that good.
  • Gary Oldman, one of my very favorite actors, gets a lot more screen time as Commissioner Gordon than he did in Batman Begins and we see a real character emerge – especially in relation to his desire to protect his family.
  • Batman goes to frigging Hong Kong to bring back a key criminal and uses an awesome variety of tools, courtesy of Lucious (Morgan Freeman) to do so. James Bond and Q must be seething with jealousy.
  • Alfred, Michael Caine, makes some questionable decisions as the dutiful servant and father figure to Bruce Wayne, but his love for both Bruce and Rachel is always evident.

I could go on, but I have a BBQ in Barhaven I must attend. Get your little bat-bottoms to this outstanding piece of cinema and I hope you enjoy it half as much as I did.

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I Anticipate Several Movies in 2008

by admin on December 27, 2007
in Movies

How is that for a prediction? Yes, you heard it here first, Hollywood and countries around the globe will produce at least a handful of movies in the new year. Of course… my title relates to specific movies I am looking forward to, you silly geese. As always, my old friend Brukakke asked me to participate in his 2008 movies article which I did amazingly without having to be asked a second or third time. He’s hung up on Star Trek while I have obviously been looking forward to an excuse to post this, which was released to masses of whip-stroking, drooling 34-yr-somethings earlier this month:

IJKKS

Other movies I look forward to in 2008 include: RocknRolla, Valkyrie, Semi-Pro, The Dark Knight and Bond 22. Here is a great list of upcoming 2008 flicks and their vital statistics. Have a look and let me know what you’re digging. I think it’s safe to say it’s going to be a very good year.

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Newport Timeshare Is On My Side. Yes It Is.

by admin on May 17, 2006
in Heartwarming

A recipie for trouble if I’ve ever heard one: Tiernan’s now has a lightning-fast, free wireless connection. My apartment was party-central for some reason Monday night, with both my roomates independantly entertaining for a combined atmosphere that resembled the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse that time it was invaded by monkeys. Needless to say, even locked away in my room like a sober veal – I got very little done. I had a deadline yesterday, and I needed a quiet place to work after-hours and so I decided to see if I really could get shit done at my favorite pub – because I was never able to when I tried at the Hind’s Head upon the procurement of my very first laptop in 1998.

Some boneless Buffalo wings and a couple Diet Cokes later, I was well on my way to getting my work finished. By midnight I was all done and having a Smithwick’s with the North End restaurant crew that goes there every night. So, all in all, a nice little productive evening. I think Tiernan’s may become a library of sorts for me. Especially during the week when it’s quiet. Anyway, the real point here is that I got an important phone call while I was sitting there, typing away.

It was Jim on the line, and he sorta sheepishly asked me if I’d be interested in getting a timeshare in Newport this summer. Perhaps he was under the impression that I enjoyed sweating profusely in dense urban settings and didn’t want to impose. Normally when we all go down there, we’re treated like royalty at Heather and Chris’ awesome house. But they have a little sailor on the way, and things done changed this year. I didn’t even think about my answer. I’m in, and I’ll be spending as little time in Boston as possible over the next 4 months. Perhaps that will cure my geographic antsiness for awhile. But definitely not the aggressive alcohol dependency.

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I Throw My Panties at Your Copyright

by admin on July 1, 2008
in Endorsements

According to every authority figure I have ever had, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do things. When advanced Flash video compression first came on the scene in 2005, creating new media juggernauts like YouTube and Google Video, it sent copyright holders spinning on their heads and running for their attorneys. Lawsuits were threatened, videos were pulled down quicker than Madonna’s sheer thong (I love Madge, but this is just wrong) and many predicted the demise of the powerful new sharing technology and the hugely popular sites it had so quickly spawned. That, for the record, was the wrong way to do things.

What YouTube and its peers have done is create access to a massive amount of content that many people, particularly young people with money, would never have had access to. In many cases, these young people discovering new movies, bands and TV shows will then go out and purchase CDs, DVDs, BlurRay discs and MP3s. Most record companies, movie studios and TV networks fought tooth and nail against allowing Duran Duran videos, clips from Caddyshack and 80s SNL episodes from availability on YouTube. Of course they’d rather someone had to buy the material instead of watching it for free online – but they won’t buy anything if they are completely unaware of its existence.

Compressed Flash video has very poor audio and video quality by today’s advanced HD standards. It can’t be easily downloaded, converted to other video formats or burned onto DVDs. It threatens nothing but can offer everything to savvy marketers and enlightened corporate decision makers. And it seems YouTube now offers the ability for these copyright holders to take alternate and potentially profitable measures against folks, in this case yours truly, who upload and share material that they own.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Qd0lZIIn3A[/youtube]

“UMG has claimed some or all audio content in your video One Thirsty Kitty. This claim was made as part of the YouTube Content Identification program.”

Apparently someone at UMG took exception recently to the fact that I used Tom Jones’ What’s New Pussycat? as the soundtrack to my breathtaking masterpiece, One Thirsty Kitty. This is one of the most highly viewed videos I have created and shared on the network, but their attention was more likely drawn to it because I ‘tagged’ it with the title and artist, hoping that Tom Jones fans might find and enjoy it. In their email to me, however, YouTube mentions an automated method they’ve created that can seek out at least songs automatically: “Partners may use our automated video / audio matching system to identify their content, or they may manually review videos.” Did some sort of spider crawl through my page and discover the use of the song? If so, that’d almost be cool. But let’s be realistic, it was probably a human busybody.

The right way to do something is what YouTube has empowered UMG to do in my case. I get to keep my silly video of Boss online. YouTube gets to keep a half decent and reasonably popular piece of content live, and UMG may someday, if they haven’t already, enjoy sales of Tom Jones CDs, DVDs or MP3s because a surfer heard the song on One Thirsty Kitty and fell in love with it. Apparently they are also now allowed to use the page OTK resides upon for advertising purposes. It’s a clever compromise and it benefits all three parties.

“Your video is still live because UMG has authorized the use of this content on YouTube. As long as UMG has a claim on your video, they will receive public statistics about your video, such as number of views. Viewers may also see advertising on your video’s page.”

Well done, YouTube Content Identification Team, and I sincerely mean that. This is progress.

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Tears in Snow: Blade Runner 2049 Honors a Remarkable Vision

by admin on June 4, 2026
in Movies, Nerdery, Reminiscent

Updated on 6/4/26: In Denis Villeneuve’s Blade Runner 2049, the recurring motif of snow serves as a profound thematic counterpoint to the relentless rain of Ridley Scott’s original 1982 film. While the original culminated in Roy Batty’s iconic ‘tears in rain’ monologue, Officer K’s journey ends with tears in snow. This analysis explores the meaning of snow in Blade Runner 2049, examining how weather symbolism, Dr. Ana Stelline’s memory creation, and the physical sensation of touch define humanity for replicants and holograms alike.

Table of Contents

  • “Because you’ve never seen a miracle”
  • “Memories. You’re talking about memories”
  • “Everything you want to see…”
  • “Everything you want to hear…”
  • “Everything you want to be…”
  • “I want to see a negative before I provide you with a positive”
  • “Many is the night I dream of cheese”
  • What does snow symbolize in Blade Runner 2049?
  • Why does Blade Runner 2049 end in snow?
  • Does K die at the end of Blade Runner 2049?
  • What is the Treasure Island reference in Blade Runner 2049?
  • What is the “tears in rain” monologue in Blade Runner?
  • Is Blade Runner 2049 worth watching if you haven’t seen the original?

When Deckard finally surfaces in Blade Runner 2049 – living alone in the ruins of a Las Vegas casino, cut off from everything he once was – his opening line to K is a quote from Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island.

“You mightn’t happen to have a piece of cheese about you, now? Would you, boy?” It’s the line spoken by Ben Gunn, a sailor who has been marooned on a deserted island for three years and has been dreaming of cheese the entire time.

Villeneuve didn’t put that line there by accident. Deckard is Ben Gunn – isolated, half-mad, dreaming of something he can’t have. K recognizes the quote. “Treasure Island?” he asks. Deckard says: “He reads, that’s good.” It’s a throwaway exchange that tells you everything about both of them in six seconds.

Given the pop-culture gravitas of this film, there are hundreds of sites on which to find a Blade Runner 2049 synopsis, cast list or trailer. Google is your friend and I have lots of ground to cover. If you’re a fan of 1982’s both revered and oft-underestimated Blade Runner, however, this review is for you.

“Because you’ve never seen a miracle”

sapper

Actually, Sapper, I think I just did. At a theater near Fenway Park, no less. To write an objective review about the unlikely and ridiculously far removed sequel to your favorite movie of all time, 3.5 decades later, is a fool’s errand on the brightest of dystopic Los Angeles days. While I’m quite sure he eventually got paid, Director Denis Villeneuve’s obvious labor of love has made it almost too easy for me to extoll the virtues (and maybe a disappointment or two) of Blade Runner 2049. Short version: This is a fantastic film, for which you do not need a deep knowledge of the original to enjoy. Get a sitter. Go see it. And now, for the long version…

“Memories. You’re talking about memories”

Walking out of Monday’s press screening in Boston, I was unprepared for the clipboard-toting PR person waiting for me outside. “What did you think?” she asked. “F*cking awesome!” with two physical thumbs up, was my unrehearsed and regrettable blurt. Not especially quotable, but she recorded it anyway while appearing happy and (maybe) just slightly relieved. That was my first review. Replying “Yes!” when asked today if I wanted to see it again this weekend was my second. What follows is my third. First, though, a nostalgic vignette to set the stage:

INTERIOR – VW BUG – NIGHT – Summer, 1982:  Somewhere in French-speaking Canada, a 9-year-old boy and his father pull in to a dimly lit, backwoods drive-in. The elder, who has previously refused to let his son read a weathered nightstand copy of Philip K. Dick’s source novel (because it’s too violent, David) hooks a speaker onto the red VW Bug’s half-rolled down driver’s side window and settles in for 164 minutes of the film his offspring will keep embarrassingly front of mind for the next 35 years. On the journey back to the summer cottage where absolutely nobody speaks French, and riding a recounted tide of rusty nails shoved through hands, eyeballs crushed by thumbs and women executed on the street for no reason apparent to the passerby – permission to read “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep” is begrudgingly given.

We will come back to Quebec later (spoiler).

joi-billboard

“Everything you want to see…”

At two key points during the movie, Gosling’s “Officer K” encounters billboards which repeat revenue-inducing quips related to what consumers want to “see”, “hear” and “be”. They also look a lot like the beloved and advanced Amazon Echo back at his apartment. It’s deeper than that, I assure you, but here be no spoilers.

Right before the screening in Boston began, a studio PR rep had to read out a message from Denis V. himself. The respectful jist was, “It’s tough to review movies, and I get that, just please don’t ruin the film for everyone else. Zut alors!” While I’m paraphrasing, the lockdown and security surrounding key plot points, I was told, is like nothing anyone in the press corps have seen to date.

What is everything we want to see then? 2049 blows the Blade Runner world straight out – in all directions. Other than the legendary original opening sequence, with L.A.’s towers of fire spouting off whilst accompanied by Vangelis’ intoxicating first notes, and apart from an establishing shot of a Spinner landing or two, there’s precious little shown that isn’t closed-set-sound-stage claustrophobic. The sequel shows us oceans, and deserts, and snow – effectively bringing forward the larger world we’d all imagined as kids (or maybe that was just me). Regardless, it is simply gorgeous.

2049 also takes CGI to new levels, particularly apparent towards the end where insufferable long-time fans will see something that may simultaneously induce laughter, sobbing… and possibly sharting. Bring towelettes – you’ve been warned. It’s that heavy.

We also see that the technology in Blade Runner’s universe has evolved since the first film, not surprisingly, as 35 years have passed. Where Deckard once used commands like “stop”, “enhance” and “track right” to investigate Leon’s photographs – we now see the main replicant baddy, (not to be confused with Batty) “Luv”, using those same commands to direct artillery fire. Garbage trucks hover efficiently while sorting filth, smartphones now have a convenient Voight-Kampff app, the Runners get a crazy test called “Baseline” after every shift, Spinners can now dogfight… I should stop there.

luv-wright

“Everything you want to hear…”

A reviewer, whose name I struggle to recall, once referred to the soundtrack of 2008’s There Will be Blood as an “additional character in the film.” Throughout that monumental movie, the music never, ever, ends until the last second of the final credits. It was tailored to the story like nothing we’d ever seen before.

2049’s score is almost as equally engulfing and tailored. Hans Zimmer picked up the heavy task of scoring the film, in Vangelis’ brilliant Grecian shadow, after Johann Johannsson left the project. This left many clammy-handed BR devotees up in arms, but the result was worth the nerdy turmoil. Most noteworthy are the deep (very deep) notes used in transitional shots while Spinners are flying past. This happens a few times, and after the first instance I was immediately hoping there’d be another location change so I could feel that rush one more time.

The better news is, Vangelis’ original score is strategically woven in at key moments, and the final scene sees Zimmer’s work completely stripped away in favor of those hot, hot bars from 1982 many of us know so well. Like the hovering Spinner barking orders at Officer K, that unmistakable noise an old Tyrell Corp terminal makes while booting up, voiceovers recounting the mystery’s clues during flight time, heavy leather overcoats and whiskey – 2049’s soundscape glances over its shoulder several times to acknowledge its older sibling. There are more examples. Many more. But, you know… spoilers.

“Everything you want to be…”

The humans in 2049 know their history. The replicants only hope they do. The conundrum of implanted memories is a major theme carried over from the original. Only now, Officer K has access to historical replicant POV recordings – dampening the disbelief required to connect the two flicks and still sleep at night. Callbacks to human history which the characters must be aware of are in no short supply. Baby Goose’s (Gosling, anyone?) cell phone links to a lovely 2049 version of an Amazon Alexa back at home, named “Joi”, and plays the opening strands of “Peter and the Wolf” each time it rings. Took me a while to place the tune, and after more time passes I’m sure I’ll appreciate the reference. Hasn’t occurred to me just yet (So… if Luv is the wolf, does that make Deckard and K the sheep? Are the resistance the larger flock? Are all of the sheep androids?) Enough. Joi is the love of K’s life, one lost manufactured soul protecting another, and her presence in the film provides what little insight we get into K’s character.

We all saw Sinatra’s hologram in the second trailer, and should also know by now that Deckard is hiding out in Las Vegas. A favorite scene of mine involves Baby Goose and Ford trading blows while the ghost of Deckard’s casino plays intermittent holograms of the strip’s past in the background. “You know what BR2 needs? More Liberace!” Another thoroughly enjoyable clue that the past is still present in this crazy world.

Also noticeable is a nod to Treasure Island, but far more fascinating are two (that I counted) subtle references to the story of Pinocchio. At one intimate point, Joi informs Officer K that, “A real boy needs a real name”. No accidental dialogue there, and I guess that makes Jared Leto’s Niander Wallace… Gepetto? Pinocchio allegories have been thrown around in BR forum threads for years, and now there’s a direct reference. Only instead of strings, replicants have a 4-year life span. Anyone?

“I want to see a negative before I provide you with a positive”

At the risk of otherwise coming off as a garden-variety fan boy, It must be said – I did take issue in one  respect. While Sylvia Hoek’s “Luv” is more menacing than I ever thought the actor was capable of – in the narrative she’s just an agent. A stooge driven only by Niander Wallace’s orders. She knows what she is, and couldn’t care less.

You’ll find yourself longing for the tortured warrior-poet, Roy Batty, regardless of whether or not you wanted him or Deckard to prevail on that rainy rooftop in 1982. If this movie needed anything, and that is an admitted stretch because it’s simply a sci-fi milestone, it would be “better-developed and scarier villains”.

I have just one more gripe, related to casting. Now, the lineup is almost impeccable: Olmos, Bautista, Wright, Baby Goose, Abdi, Hoeks, Leto, etc. My dismay is due to the underuse of one Mackenzie Davis. When charging through the crowd in that first trailer – she was terrifying. I’d hoped she’d turn out to be at least the equivalent of “Pris” from the original. Similar style, similar hair, similar foreboding sense of “would she date me?” Ultimately, she is almost tragically absent for the rest of the movie, bar one fleeting group shot and a virtual sex scene for the ages.

“Many is the night I dream of cheese”

It’s great fun to imagine that, while my 9-year old adolescent pea-brain was being rocked for all time by Ridley Scott in a shoddy Quebec drive-in, a 15-yr old Villeneuve may have been right close by. It’s a sizeable province, but let me have my moment. Maybe he was just one town over, equally as impressed, but with a destiny tied directly to Blade Runner’s unique and astounding universe.

The Godfather did it, as did Jaws and Aliens. Specifically, those franchises saw an eventual sequel which surpassed, or at least lived up to, the original. Blade Runner 2049 will likely be remembered as a sci-fi classic, and I could not be more relieved. In closing: Denis, nous sommes fiers de vous.

What does snow symbolize in Blade Runner 2049?

The weather in Denis Villeneuve’s universe isn’t set dressing. It’s a thematic anchor. In Ridley Scott’s 1982 original, relentless acid rain washed away the artificial tears of dying replicants. By 2049, the climate has collapsed further into toxic snowfall – but the meaning of snow in Blade Runner 2049 shifts from environmental decay to something more personal. A question of authenticity.

To feel the cold bite of snow on your skin is to experience the physical world. It’s the test of what’s real.

CharacterInteraction with SnowWhat It Means
Officer KSnow melts on his hand as he dies on the steps.He’s synthetic, but his experience of the world is genuine. The snow doesn’t pass through him.
JoiHolographic snowflakes hesitate on her skin, then pass through.She wants connection. She can’t have it. Her upgrade gives her a partial field – not a body.
Dr. Ana StellineCreates synthetic snow memories inside a sterile lab.The only “real” born child is entirely cut off from the physical world she recreates.

Irony: The synthetic replicant bleeds out in real snow. The human child manufactures fake snow from behind glass. Villeneuve doesn’t tell you which one is more “alive” – he just puts them side by side and lets you sit with it.

On my second watch – and the third, and the fourth – the snow symbolism in Blade Runner 2049 becomes impossible to unsee.

Tears in rain vs. tears in snow

Roy Batty died on a rainy rooftop in 1982. Officer K bleeds out on snowy steps in 2049.

The parallel is not subtle. Villeneuve wants you to see it.

But the two deaths couldn’t be more different in meaning. Batty fought for more life. He crushed skulls and shoved nails through hands to get it. His “tears in rain” monologue – those 42 words Rutger Hauer partially improvised on set – was a lament for experiences that would be lost. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All gone.

K takes the opposite path. He stops fighting for his own survival. He sacrifices himself so a father can meet his daughter for the first time. When K looks up at the falling snow, he’s not lamenting lost time. He’s accepting his choice.

Batty died a machine grasping for humanity. K dies a man who already found it.

And the musical cue Zimmer plays as K lies back on those steps? It’s “Tears in the Rain” from the original Vangelis score. Not a coincidence. Not even close. The blade runner snow ending is the direct spiritual successor to the rain ending – same emotional weight, different weather, different conclusion about what it means to be alive.

Does K die at the end of Blade Runner 2049?

Yes. For fuck’s sake. YES.

Officer K dies in the snow - Blade Runner 2049 ending scene

K dies on the snowy steps outside the Stelline facility. He took a knife wound to the abdomen during his fight with Luv in the ocean. He was bleeding out the entire time he walked Deckard to the door. He knew it. Deckard probably knew it too.

Blade Runner 2049 FAQ

What does snow symbolize in Blade Runner 2049?

Snow in Blade Runner 2049 represents the physical sensation of being real. Where Ridley Scott used acid rain as an indifferent backdrop to Roy Batty’s death, Villeneuve uses snow as a test of authenticity. Officer K feels it melt on his hand as he dies. Joi’s holographic snowflakes pass through her. Dr. Ana Stelline manufactures it from behind glass. The snow doesn’t lie about what you are.

Why does Blade Runner 2049 end in snow?

Officer K’s death in the snow is a direct visual callback to Roy Batty dying in the rain in 1982. Villeneuve designed the parallel intentionally – same visual grammar, different emotional conclusion. Batty died grasping for more life. K dies having chosen to give his up for someone else. The snow is the punctuation on that distinction, and Zimmer’s use of the original Vangelis “Tears in the Rain” cue over the scene makes the connection explicit.

Does K die at the end of Blade Runner 2049?

Yes. K dies on the snowy steps outside the Stelline facility from a knife wound sustained during his fight with Luv. He was bleeding out the entire time he walked Deckard to the door. The film doesn’t show his eyes close, but Villeneuve has confirmed in interviews that K’s story ends there. His death is framed not as a tragedy but as a choice – the thing that, more than any implanted memory, makes him real.

What is the Treasure Island reference in Blade Runner 2049?

When Deckard first encounters K in his Las Vegas hideout, he greets him with a line from Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island: “You mightn’t happen to have a piece of cheese about you, now? Would you, boy?” It’s spoken by Ben Gunn, a sailor marooned alone on an island for three years, dreaming of cheese. Villeneuve uses it to signal that Deckard, like Ben Gunn, has been living in isolation so long he’s half-mad with longing. K recognizes the quote. Deckard says: “He reads, that’s good.”

What is the “tears in rain” monologue in Blade Runner?

The “tears in rain” monologue is Roy Batty’s final speech in the 1982 original, delivered on a rainy rooftop moments before his death. The most famous lines – “All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain” – were partially improvised by Rutger Hauer on set. It is widely considered one of the greatest death scenes in cinema history, and Blade Runner 2049’s snow ending is its direct spiritual successor.

Is Blade Runner 2049 worth watching if you haven’t seen the original?

Yes. Villeneuve designed it to function as a standalone film and the world-building is self-contained. That said, the emotional weight of the snow ending, the Vangelis callback, and the significance of Deckard’s return all land considerably harder if you know the original. Watching the 1982 film first is not a hardship.

The film doesn’t show his eyes close. It doesn’t need to. The Vangelis callback, the snow accumulating on his coat, the stillness – it’s the same visual grammar as Batty’s death. Villeneuve confirmed in interviews that K’s story ends there.

But his death isn’t a tragedy. K chose this. He chose to protect the secret of Deckard’s daughter. He chose to die for something bigger than his own survival. That choice – more than any implanted memory of a wooden horse, more than any baseline test result – makes him real.

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Not a “Bad Date”: Raiders of the Lost Ark is 30

by admin on June 24, 2011
in Movies

Considering yesterday’s unenthusiastic summer movie post – this is uncanny. I just learned, via JoBlo, that Raiders of the Lost Ark was released 30 years ago today. My 7-year-old self hasn’t been the same since.

raiders-artIf I were tasked (by someone who was incredibly bored and probably unemployed/smelling of pee) with selecting just one movie to represent my childhood – it would be Raiders. History has been kind to the film – it didn’t exactly get poor reviews on this day back in 1981 (It has a 94% rating on Rotten Tomatoes), but it’s legacy has grown considerably. What began as little more than a fast-paced summer blockbuster (resulting from a Lucas/Spielberg collaboration dedicated to serials from the 1920s) is now heralded as a cinematic benchmark frequently selected by critics as one of the best movies of all time…

  • Just this past March a TV special put together by ABC News and People Magazing voted Raiders the best action movie of all time.
  • In 1998 the American Film Institute voted it #60 on their list of the 100 best American movies, evah. To give context it outranks Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction and Unforgiven. By a lot.
  • It’s #22 out of 250 on IMDB’s list of best flicks.

But forget about established critics and accredited film society thingys for a second. As part of my own personal tribute I’m going to share just a few foggy Raiders memories from my distant childhood:

  1. My father must have also been a huge fan of the film, because he took me to see it 7 times. It’s how we bonded. How we related to each other – and I have no complaints.
  2. I remember him asking his sister, my Aunt Susan, if after seeing it she thought it was appropriate for a 7-year-old. Her exact response was “Well, there’s a little bit of blood, but I think he’ll be alright.” Which brings me to the next memory…
  3. After the first time we saw it, I ran ahead of my father and checked the back seat of his car for mummies.
  4. My friend Adam and I spent countless hours trying to beat the tie-in Atari 2600 video game. 30 years later it is still frequently mentioned as one of the hardest games of all time.

  5. I’d jump at any chance to accompany my Mother to the grocery store in Manotick, Ontario as I was determined to collect each of the 100 Raiders trading cards. After consuming near-fatal quantities of nasty pink-colored gum sticks, I only ever got 99 of them. The elusive card? That bastard, Belloq. And I still have all 99 in a photo album for which I actually won a Boy Scouts “collector’s” badge a couple years later.
  6. My grandmother gave me an Indy action figure during one of her visits, that had a spring-loaded arm which would crack a little cloth whip. I still have it.
  7. One of our neighbors, Terry (whom many years later I would end up working for in England) claimed he knew a guy who had a bootleg VHS copy and if we could organize $100 and two VCRs for the dub I could get one of my very own. Needless to say, he lived to regret telling me that. I don’t think the word “haunting” covers it.
  8. We bought the soundtrack on LP, which I then transferred to cassette, which then became the soundtrack of many backyard adventures, blasted via carefully-balanced ghetto blaster through my bedroom window.
  9. I remember friends and I acting out so many “takes” of the famous swordfight scene that David Fincher and Stanley Kubrick would have said in unison, “Enough already, kid. We got the shot.”
  10. Due to a glaring lack of actual Indy toys in the marketplace, Star Wars stormtroopers and Cobra soldiers frequently stood in for Hovitos, Thuggees and Nazis.
  11. I learned what a Nazi was.

Toht-meltingIf we forget our history we are doomed to repeat it. So in honor of this magnificent anniversary, take time out today and force a 7-year old child to sit through Raiders of the Lost Ark. And don’t let them close their eyes at the end, either. The children are our future, so teach them well and let them watch melting Nazis. Happy birthday, Dr. Jones.

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And This is What We Call Progress

by admin on March 24, 2011
in Heartwarming, Reminiscent, Whinging

Editor’s Note: I fully realize that posting email forwards on your blog is the height of laziness – but this is profound and I have to share.

bratty-teenage-girlA little over halfway through my 30s it’s only natural that nostalgia, mortality and violent curmudgeonliness are setting in – which is probably why I’m drawn to these thoughts on how not all “progress” is… actually any sort of progress. I’ve edited this for length and into a list format which also deep-sixes some religious content. And I removed several negative references to movies, cable TV and video games – because that’s just fucking crazy talk. Apologies to the original author, but if you’re that annoyed are you any different from the whiny, lazy and entitled gluttons your original work indirectly bemoans? Let’s get down to the reminiscing…

To Those of Us Born Before 1980

  • First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.
  • We were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.
  • As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes. Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
  • We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.
  • We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren’t overweight. Why? Because we were always outside playing!

      

“And This is What We Call Progress”–by Montreal’s The Besnard Lakes

  • We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were OK.
  • We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
  • We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth – and there were no lawsuits from those accidents..
  • We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.
  • Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment.
  • The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. In fact, they usually sided with the police.
  • These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever. The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
  • We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

What did you think? Seems thematically appropriate after my recent Chris Brown-related “what’s wrong with kids today?!” post [chases lost, crying infant off front lawn while wearing sandals with socks]. Should we wind the clock back on a few of these points? I look forward to your thoughts.

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Let’s Immortalize RoboCop

by admin on March 3, 2011
in Movies

There’s always time during a busy day to help endorse a proposed plan to build a statue memorializing the main character of an uber-violent sci-fi movie I saw in a theater my Dad snuck me into in 1987. Always.

This video starring the law-enforcing cyborg himself, Peter Weller, is a slap-happy, nutty goof. The proposed plan to build a statue of RoboCop somewhere in downtown Detroit (where the truly awesome film and it’s far less awesome sequel are set) is not. Initially the Mayor said “no”. Then a surprising number of citizens countered with a resounding “yes”. Then a local businessman took it upon himself to raise $50,000 fricking dollars to see Officer Murphy’s titanium-encased remains immortalized for all time.

With both a healthy budget and positive public opinion behind the idea, which apparently started as a silly-natured Tweet, it’s not up to Mayor Bing anymore. But let’s get back to that businessman for a moment. I’ve since learned via his website, which just happens to be named after the evil corporation which first funds but eventually tries to kill Robocop in the film, that it isn’t his first foray into movie tie-ins.

”What did you do, Ray?!” – Dr. Peter Venkman

Also in Omni’s repertoire of phony products from movies made into the real thing for real world consumers?:

  • Stay Puft Marshmallows from Ghostbusters. Try not to think about them when facing a Gatekeeper of Gozer.
  • Brawndo Energy Drink from Mike Judge’s unsung Idiocracy.
  • Tru Blood beverage from HBO’s True Blood. In case that wasn’t abundantly clear.
  • Sex Panther cologne made famous, of course, by Mr. Brian Fantana in the modern comedy classic, Anchorman.

At first glance, raising money to build a statue of Robocop seems like Pete Hottelet’s nerdtastic labor of love. As I’m sure you’ve realized by now it’s also a brilliant viral marketing scheme. This probably isn’t the first you’ve heard of the statue – it’s been getting a ton of press over the last few weeks and I hope it happens. Because you can’t deny that fact that this actual prototype exudes class…

robocop-statue
"Sign the petition or there’ll be… trouble."

It’s breathtaking, and I’d definitely buy that for a dollar. Though I can’t picture something like this happening in too many other cities – take Boston, for example. No matter how enthusiastically people tried to sell it to the population as “art” it would fly about as far as one of those bronze ducklings. But we’re talking about Detroit here. A place where statues of fictional robotic peace officers, lesser-known Norwegian superheroes and maybe even one (possibly all four) of the Teletubbies will almost certainly raise property values. I don’t have anything against Detroit… I’ve just seen pictures. And that picture was 8 Mile.

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I’m Calling Kutcherbusters

by admin on February 22, 2011
in Movies, Nerdery

Friends, Romans, countrymen. Listen to me very carefully. I was just directed towards a truly awful rumor by my favorite movie blog. Are you sitting down? I mean it. Take a seat, a deep breath and possibly a Xanax before reading any further.

Rumors of Ghostbusters 3 have been as persistent as rumors about the existence of actual ghosts. And now there’s evidence for an even scarier notion: Ashton Kutcher playing one of the leads.

We, as rational human beings and children of the 80s, can never let this happen. Never. Now, I’m not a radical, a bra-burner or one prone to protest. Until my mid-twenties, I thought that “activism” was the company who brought us Pitfall and River Raid. But I’ve got a petition on the brain. Petitions got Betty White on SNL, Jonathan Winters exposed to a new generation of unworthy fans and they can do wonders for a third ancient and long-suffering throwback – the Ghostbusters franchise. And by “do wonders” I of course mean “keep an already risky venture from becoming a guaranteed cinematic disaster the likes of Ishtar or Howard the Duck”.

Editor’s Note: I am a fan of both Ishtar and Howard the Duck. That doesn’t change the fact they shat the bed at the box office and are readily accepted by sheep who’ve never seen them as two of the worst movies of all time. Back to our regularly scheduled nerdery…

kutcherbustersI’m not going to try and act cool or pretend I’m kidding anyone who knows me. I’d love to see a new Ghostbusters film and I’ve even written about it before. It’s going to happen, with or without Bill Murray, and I do not want to see it fail. According to IMDB, some returning stars are already confirmed (Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis) and there are rumors of several exciting new additions (Bill Hader, Anna Faris). And, even though I’m disgusted, concerned and hyperventilating as a result of his Kutcher-related comments in the video above (as playful as they may have seemed), original director Ivan Reitman seems gung-ho for a return to Ghostly glory.

Mr. Reitman, please. Kutcher’s already demonstrated a penchant for dating marrying women dramatically older than himself. Don’t encourage him to whip out his proton pack and take it one sick step further. Busting ghosts might lead to banging them.

I’ll be watching this production carefully, folks. So you don’t have to. Because you have lives. Stay tuned for what might be my biggest topical dork-fest since the leadup to summer 2008’s return of a certain archaeologist. Dare to dream. Alone in bed.

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NHL10 – How Do I Love Thee…

by admin on February 9, 2010
in Nerdery, Sporty, Video Games

… Let me count the ways. Much to my sister and her boyfriend’s chagrin I brought my PS3 down from Canada with me and have been thoroughly enjoying it most nights after we all return to the Charlestown house from our respective jobs. Sometimes I can get it to function as a media center, wirelessly streaming the many movies I have on my laptop and playing them through the gaming console. It’s quite cool. But more often than not it skips too much to be watchable… so a gaming console it tends to remain. On these occasions there tends to be heated discussion on who gets to do what, but if I have to sit through the Real Housewives of Orange County a couple times a week, Janet and Damo can surely suffer my ongoing rivalry with the Portland Pirates a time or two.

The reason I brought the Playstation 3 with me is because, well, I’ve loved video games since the first time I ever played one, probably 32 years ago. To say I was an early adopter would be a major understatement. I was playing Adventure on a terminal my Dad had hooked up to a 7-foot-tall mainframe in his workshop at the age of 4. I remember a campground in the very early 80’s that had an arcade with Space Invaders, Defender, Sub Hunt and a few other pioneering hunks of fun. My friend Oliver wins the prize for the first home system I ever played, which was a combination of pong and a light gun target game with abysmal accuracy. The Atari 2600 and Commodore Vic 20 came along soon afterwards and pretty soon my obsession turned to Pitfall and the text adventure games of Scott Adams, The Count being my favorite, even though I never managed to finish it.

Fast-forward another year and I was writing my own games on my Vic using basic and well… you get the point. Considering the era in which I grew up, and who my father and Uncle were, I think that if I didn’t still have any affinity for video games – there’d be something far more wrong with me. That’s what I keep telling myself each morning when I wake up next to two Boston Terriers, at any rate.

Time has marched on mercilessly, as it does, and my current pixelly fascination is the latest version of Electronic Art’s juggernaut, NHL 2010, or NHL10 as it’s been branded. 16 years ago I beat every kid in Mills Hall at the University of Guelph in an NHL ‘92 tournament that someone set up. We chose to use 92 as opposed to 93 or 94 because more kids were familiar with it and I went through my competitors like… I should probably wrap this post up about now while I still might sleep with a woman again someday. My point is, I have a long history with the franchise.

Marco and I enthusiastically trying out the new first-person fighting feature the day of the game’s release back in September 2009.

So this post isn’t a complete informational bust for folks who may have found it via a search engine, here are my favorite bits from NHL10 – all of which have to do with the new “Be a Pro” mode.

  • In “Be a Pro” mode you start on an AHL team (currently the Providence Bruins for me) and have to prove yourself in order to make it up to the show.
  • At the conclusion of every shift your coach provides bullet points in a popup window of what you did well and what you need to work on. “Good positioning out there. Keep firing them at the net. You picked a good time to start a fight and get the team’s energy up but you have to hold your own.”
  • Speaking of fighting, it’s in first-person perspective for the first time ever and it’s a heck of a lot of fun. I’m getting better, and win the odd fight, but it’s been hard to master thus far.
  • I love the fact that if you set the style to “Authentic” if you’re in the penalty box, or even just resting on the bench, your viewpoint switches to first-person and you have to turn your head back and forth to keep your eye on the action like you’re at Wimbleton.

A super game, and well done to Electronic Arts. Who else has played it? With the strength of EA’s offering this year, is it even worth renting the competition’s 2K10? Sound off, my hockey nerds of the evening. I know you’re out there.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: A Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue

by admin on September 18, 2009
in Friday's Quizzlet

Fancy another reader-generated Quizzlet for all of us to answer? I certainly do. I’m going to Tweet and Facebook this request as well, so there’s no escape for any of you. Please post any silly or serious questions (in the comments below) that you’d like to hear answered by your friendly neighborhood narcissistic prick – namely, me. We need a grand total of 5. Update: OK, we got there.

Appetizer: Who’s the douchiest celeb in Hollywood (besides Kanye)? – Dana G.

joe-francis-paris-hilton-tit I’m glad you added that clarification, Dana, because I definitely would have gone after that ridiculous pinhead if you hadn’t. The word “celebrity” is a strong word to use when describing this guy, but the award has to go to Girls Gone Wild creator, Joe Francis. How he has managed to end up bedding celebutantes the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton on the strength of simply videotaping drunken, barely legal females on Spring Break is a mystery to us all. Couple that fact with the jail time he’s done as a result of his paparazzi-pornographer status, and the recent charges against him for… everything under the sun… and he definitely wins today’s PITF award for being an outstanding douchebiscuit. Or maybe I’m just a little jealous.

Soup: Will the Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 remake merely disappoint the loyal following of the House of Freddy? – Angie F.

fat-kid-sandlot I’m really happy about Jackie Earle Haley being cast as the new Freddy Krueger because he’s perfect (in his own creepy way) and without a solid Fred the film would die on the vine without a doubt. Meyers and Voorhees, both of whom have had their franchises more or less successfully resuscitated over the past year, are very different entities. They don’t talk. They wear masks so there aren’t even facial expressions to consider. Notice, pursue, kill. They might as well be mindless robots, so their 2009 versions weren’t all that critical to the success or failure of the new Friday the 13th or Halloween movies. Freddy on the other hand obviously speaks and was always played by Robert Englund as full of sadistic personality with a strong dose of wicked humor. In my opinion, on the “evil scale” Freddy made Jason and Michael Myers look like the red-headed fat kid from The Sandlot. The actor is therefore crucial in this case and Haley is ideal. Admittedly it will be hard for me to picture Kelly from Bad News Bears as a re-animated child murderer with 100% of his body covered in 18th degree burns. But he was nominated for an Oscar in 2007, so stranger things have happened.

Salad: If you could be just one player from a sport or an athletic team, who would it be and why? – Kat

I haven’t been following any sport recently, except maybe hockey, with the zeal I once did, but I’ve always had a soft spot for Larry Bird. Maybe it’s because we share a birthday. Perhaps it’s because I was absolutely basketball-obsessed as a kid in the 80s. Maybe it’s because he’s from a town called French Lick and hearing that phrase invariably gives me a naughty pause for thought. My point is – I simply don’t know why it’s Bird. But it’s Bird.

Main Course: What wedding song should be banned forever (besides Lady in Red)? – Seany Mac

How about that “Butterfly Kisses” song? If I were to hear it at a wedding in the Ozark Mountains, and the bride was in possession of three teeth, I’d think to myself, “Fair enough. When in Rome.” But when I hear it at the wedding of someone I went to high school with it makes me want to grab the DJ’s mic like they were Taylor Swift and then stop the insanity.

Dessert: Over half a year in, have your feelings towards Barack Obama changed at all, and if so – exactly how? – Matt H.

For those of you who don’t remember I wrote a long, thought out piece last year about why I didn’t feel Obama was fit for the Presidency and the specific reasons as to why. That’s not to say I didn’t think he’d ever be ready – quite the opposite. In many ways he was already very qualified. If good looks and a talent for public speaking were the major responsible prerequisites for the insanely important position he’d have had my vote. But it isn’t and he didn’t. Unfortunately, if you were to ask 90% of people back then why they were planning to vote for Obama they’d have said, “He’s well-spoken.” If you doubt me on that then your memory is a wee bit selective. I still feel that his election was premature, he had precious little tangible experience and his campaign had an incredibly advanced grasp of the power of social media and the internet in general. That having been said, I’ve since warmed up to him. He’s been tough on troublesome international leaders like Putin and Chavez. He has brass balls. He’s a remarkably cool and composed dude – at all times. If he fails to achieve an 8-year term it will be as a direct result of his healthcare stance and he must tread very carefully over the next few months. Socialized healthcare sucks, and I’m speaking with more experience than any person should have. Sorry – I think I must have hit my head there or something. Back to the dick jokes…

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Actually, Kid, Che Guevara Was a Murderous Dickhead

by admin on June 9, 2009
in Movies, Politics, Reminiscent

che-guevara

I wrote a high school paper about the world-famous Ernesto “Che” Guevara and I remember being more than a little confused as to why he was revered by the left, particularly many actors and musicians of which I was a fan, as such a superhero. As I was a long-banged, Smiths-listening lefty by association (young, dumb and full of… Morrissey) I tended to side with my similarly spoon-fed friends and decided I dug the guy – although in my own defense I never, ever, owned one of those fucking Che shirts. Guevara was either a complete bastard or God’s gift simply depending on which book I was able to sign out of the CCHS library on a given day. The rift, split and division continues to this day, but as far as the influence of popular culture and Hollywood is concerned, el Commandante definitely has a leg up – which is both irresponsible and unfortunate. I’ll explain.

“Knowing what we know, why do we still celebrate him?” – Paul Berman

In the years since my compass has drifted, thankfully, farther to the right. That having been said, I was still excited to devote 4 hours of my life to watching Steven Soderbergh’s Che – and I did so, in one sitting, late Monday night. I certainly enjoyed the movie as entertainment. It felt authentic, gritty, was action-packed and engaging all the way through the Cuban revolution, his operations in the Congo (which are only briefly mentioned by another character and almost wholly omitted from the film) and to the final battles in the Bolivian jungle. To the uninitiated this film’s protagonist would definitely appear to be a revolutionary hero. The movie’s slant is in no way conflicted on this point.


Killer Chic: Hollywood’s Sick Love Affair With Che Guevara

From the above video: It’s something that baffles Cuban jazz legend Paquito D’Rivera. “Che hated artists, so how is it possible that artists still today support the image of Che Guevara?” Turns out the rebellious icon that emblazons countless T-shirts actually enforced aesthetic and political conformity.

My problem with the film has nothing to do with acting, timeline, 85% Spanish dialogue, cinematography or any other technical or aesthetic aspect. It’s solid celluloid. I will never, however, recommend it to anyone under the age of 25 who’ve never read at least a couple of books/articles on the man, preferably one from each side of the aisle. If “Che” Parts 1 and 2 are the only point of reference for a young mind, which they will undoubtedly become once the DVDs are released later this year, you’d think the guy was a cross between Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and Davey Crockett.

peter-griffin-cheA large percentage of Cubans remember him as the “the butcher of La Cabaña” and he is considered by many others to be the genesis of continuing politically-charged brutality in the regions he directly influenced – and many that he did not. Fischer Price: My First Revolution, if you will. As Del Toro’s Che tells Lou Diamond Phillip’s character, “A coup without an army behind it never stands a chance“. Lou Diamond, fresh on the heels of his tour-de-force performance on the George Lopez Show, nods stoically. I have to be honest here though – I think there are 12-yr-old white girls in Northern Minnesota who know they have a better chance of spotting a Yeti than seeing a revolution without violence. Then they get to college and some unkempt 3rd-year activist convinces them otherwise, signs them up for a candlelit vigil during which he tries to finger her and then buys her a Che shirt the next morning as an apology. Does anyone else see the irony in that?

The leanings of Soderbergh and his Hollywood pals are no secret, but there’s “spin” and then there’s blatant omission. Stevey can argue that he does indeed show Che ordering executions. Two of his own troops who deserted, raped and then torched the house of peasants are shot during the first half of the film. (So what you’re saying is that many of his victims deserved to be blown away in jungle clearings. I get it now, and I still love you and your t-shirt, Johnny Depp!). He can also point out that during once scene, shortly before he is dispatched, one of the Bolivian soldiers remarks, “Guevera assasinated my Uncle”. As far as ticks in the “definitely not any kind of hero” column, those calculated, punch-pulling critical additions to the film are just the tip of the firing squad.

johnnydeppche1About a year ago I was at an Irish pub in Ottawa, Ontario and watched a group of about 30 twenty-somethings, obviously on some sort of bar crawl, stumble through the door all at once. To my dismay I noticed that they were all wearing identical neon-green t-shirts with the infamous Che visage boldly printed on the front. To prove a point to my companions, I told them I’d pay the tab for the entire night if just one of the misguided students pressed against our table like sardines could both a) identify and correctly pronounce the name of the man on their spiffy new shirt and b) tell me why they admired him. I made my point after speaking to about five of them and drank for free into the wee hours.

I’m no expert on the man, but I’ve definitely gone further out of my way over the last 20 years to be able to form an honest, objective opinion of his deserved legacy than the vast majority of my peers – a desire based in large on my early exposure to a book on the Cuban Revolution which my parents had in their house. I’ll shut up now. Spend the money you’re thinking of laying down for one of these incredibly inappropriate (you now know that Che vehemently disliked artists and musicians) t-shirt, dog tag or knit hat symbols of your progressiveness and spend it instead on a book like The Che Guevara Myth and the Future of Liberty – then see if you still feel the same way. That’s all I’m saying. Viva le Gordita !

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Wednesday Wadio: The Doves ‘Jetstream’

by admin on January 28, 2009
in Movies, Wednesday Wadio

doves-kingdomofrustOne of my favorite bands of all time write a song dedicated to my favorite movie of all time. How could I not take 5 minutes out of my busiest week in years to comment on this?

Being fans of the Vangelis film score, Blade Runner, we always wanted to write an imaginary song for the closing credits on Ridley Scott’s classic… It’s called Jetstream… Cheers.

If you’re a fan of The Doves you can download “Jetstream” as an MP3 for free off their official website – right this instant. The forthcoming album is titled “Kingdom of Rust and will be available in early April.

And obviously the Kingdom of Nerds couldn’t contain themselves long before actually setting the new song over the flick’s end titles and uploading it to YouTube. Well, sorta. From the YouTube page:

Blade Runner closing images don’t last long enough to enjoy the whole song. So there it is: Doves’ Jetstream song combined with the (fake) Blade Runner end titles reconstructed… using shots from The Shining, Koyaanisqatsi, Mar Adentro & other movies.

I knew that in 1981 Ridley Scott contacted Stanley Kubrick and asked him for extra footage that was originally filmed for The Shining when asked by the studio to make Blade Runner’s ending more upbeat. The scenes in question consisted of forests filmed from a helicopter which I assume were originally slated for helping create the Overlook Hotel’s sense of isolation.


“I’ve seen things you Mancurians wouldn’t believe.”

Does the tune work when played over this cobbled-together series of Runner-esque clips? Regardless, I think it’s a cool premise to admit to on the eve of your first album release in four years. I have high hopes for the record but I highly doubt Jetstream will end up being my favorite track. Having a new Doves record right around the corner, however, makes me happier than a Nexus 6 with no incept date.

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