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Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

Archives for May 2006

Newport Timeshare Is On My Side. Yes It Is.

by admin on May 17, 2006
in Heartwarming

A recipie for trouble if I’ve ever heard one: Tiernan’s now has a lightning-fast, free wireless connection. My apartment was party-central for some reason Monday night, with both my roomates independantly entertaining for a combined atmosphere that resembled the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse that time it was invaded by monkeys. Needless to say, even locked away in my room like a sober veal – I got very little done. I had a deadline yesterday, and I needed a quiet place to work after-hours and so I decided to see if I really could get shit done at my favorite pub – because I was never able to when I tried at the Hind’s Head upon the procurement of my very first laptop in 1998.

Some boneless Buffalo wings and a couple Diet Cokes later, I was well on my way to getting my work finished. By midnight I was all done and having a Smithwick’s with the North End restaurant crew that goes there every night. So, all in all, a nice little productive evening. I think Tiernan’s may become a library of sorts for me. Especially during the week when it’s quiet. Anyway, the real point here is that I got an important phone call while I was sitting there, typing away.

It was Jim on the line, and he sorta sheepishly asked me if I’d be interested in getting a timeshare in Newport this summer. Perhaps he was under the impression that I enjoyed sweating profusely in dense urban settings and didn’t want to impose. Normally when we all go down there, we’re treated like royalty at Heather and Chris’ awesome house. But they have a little sailor on the way, and things done changed this year. I didn’t even think about my answer. I’m in, and I’ll be spending as little time in Boston as possible over the next 4 months. Perhaps that will cure my geographic antsiness for awhile. But definitely not the aggressive alcohol dependency.

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Wednesday Weigh-In #5: Porking Along Nicely.

by admin on May 17, 2006
in

We’ve been at this for awhile now, eh? Get your updated weights in pronto, porkies. When your name is bolded, you’re officially corpulent and current. The sun is out in Boston today, and the beach is beginning to beckon. So stay on target and don’t lose the porky plot here, people.

– Monster >> Current: 268 / Last Week – 265 / Target 255 / Gained 3
– Smash >> Current: 138 / Last Week – 138 / Target 129 / Lost 0
– Pyeman >> Current: 224 / Last Week – 226 / Target 210 / Lost 2
– DVS >> Current 246 / Last Week – 246 / Target 210 / Lost 0
– Aubz >> Current: 133 / Last Week – 134 /Target 125 / Lost 1
– BDoyle >> Current: 188 – / Last Week – 188 / Target 175 / Lost 0
– Piglet >>> Current: 145 / Last Week – 145 / Target 135 / Lost 0
– Not Lance >>> Current: 168 / Last Week – 171 / Target 161 / Lost 3
– Greg >> Current: 183 / Last Week – 187 / Target 170 / Lost 4
– Venditti >> Current: 230 / Last Week – 232 / Target 219 / Lost 2
– Ka-Rista >> Current: 158 / Last Week – 158 / Target 140 / Lost 0

Greg is doing really well, as Ray Borque is working him to death. Doyle has hit an impasse, and Monster may be a lost cause. Stay tuned throughout the day as more results seep in like Crisco in the sun. Yes, it’s officially closing in on Summer when I see the Lemonade Lady for the first time. She’s like Puxatawney Phil, only with a bucket of lukewarm Crystal Light.

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A Ray Of Light.

by admin on May 16, 2006
in

And what to my wondrous eyes just appeared? But a beam of sunshine through my office window, dear. If I had my camera here, I’d snap it for you – as it’s quite glorious. The first sun Boston has had in 8 days. I can’t remember a rainy stretch like this, and I’m glad to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m not actually a schizophrenic whaler from Blackpool.

The sun has a downside, however, and that is that our beloved homeless population will be back out in full force come dryness. But I have procured a new anti-homeless device I’d like to readily endorse and encourage you all to use to your benefit in this beleagured city. It doesn’t actually harm them, and it’s great for the bleeding hearts because afterwards you’d even be able to release them back into the wild if they weren’t there already.

It’s called an iPod, and it’s effectiveness is staggering. Whenever a ‘lost soul’ lurches into my path and demands money, I simply point innocently at my headphones and say – “Sorry Sir, but I’m listening to Strangeways Here We Come at this point in time and can’t really engage you at the moment. Did you want to discuss French drama? Perhaps invite me to a spring fête? You know, you look like a bit of a trainspotter. It’s a real tragedy I’ll never know the reason for your advance because I simply can’t hear you at this juncture.”

Oh, and tazer guns are really good too.

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Monday’s Quotelet: Peeping Tom And Jerry.

by admin on May 15, 2006
in

Once the industrious Mr. Whiskers found another way into Mommy and Daddy’s room on Saturday nights – what he saw would scar him for his remaining 8 lives.
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Birfdays Was The Worst Days.

by admin on May 15, 2006
in

I’ve finally managed to convince my sister to upload the whack of photos she’s collected from Beatrice’s, Damaris’ and her very own birthday parties. They’re your standard fare, however those of us currently involved in the pork ass challenge look stunning, the ass flash on the stairs is a very nice touch, and it’s worth the price of admission just to see the many ways in which my father managed to make people feel uncomfortable. Comments are welcome, but simply looking away is definitely encouraged.

Here’s a question for you all – consider it a survey. It serves 2 purposes: 1.) to help get a site I am involved with indexed properly by search engines for a very competitive term. 2.) I am genuinely curious as I have many friends coming to town this summer. So, what is the best way for a fairweather, peripheral fan to procure Red Sox tickets in Boston? Short of whooooring?

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I Still Have A Pony Barrel’s Worth Of Faith In Broken Lizard.

by admin on May 13, 2006
in Movies

Super Troopers is a masterpiece. If you refute this fact, you probably also think SlapShot is slightly less funny than the trailer for Meatballs 3. So despite Puddle Cruiser and Club Dread, which are collectively about as humorous as a slap in your grandmother’s wrinkly mouth, I am excited and most optimistic about Broken Lizard’s upcoming Beerfest.



Some photos were released onto the internet today, and it would appear we’re looking at some sort of a Strange Brew/Dodgeball hybrid. The official description from IMDB: Two brothers travel to Germany for Oktoberfest, only to stumble upon secret, centuries-old competition described as a “Fight Club” with beer games. In addition to Will Forte, who you can see in the above photo, the Lizards star alongside Cloris Leachman and Jürgen Prochnow in the movie. The Frat Pack’s recent and glorious ressurection of the R-Rated comedy has paved the way for a silly flick like this, pornstar hollywood legitimacy, Home Depot jokes and I’ll be there with at least a half pint.

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Liquor and Whores: The Video.

by admin on May 12, 2006
in Heartwarming

“Once I get some liquor into me, I get up and I sing this one.”

I have been looking for an excuse to try and embed a movie in one of the blog entries. And obviously – I’ve found a doozy. Enjoy the liquor and the whores, too.

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Help Me. Help Me, Help You, Help Me.

by admin on May 12, 2006
in

I recently ordered a load of ‘finance for the handicapped’ books from Amazon as I am in an attempt to shake off Tink’s pixie dust and move out of Neverland. I also got one from my doctor about bettering one’s own health and downloaded the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people which I’ve listened to in its entirety now and also re-read The Wealthy Barber. I was speaking with a friend yesterday who was quick to point out I’m going nuts with the self help books. Like it was a bad thing.

How do y’all feel about this sort of thing? I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to educate/better one’s self, and it’s not like I’m talking to the HR people at Heaven’s Gate or anything. I couldn’t balance a piggybank at the moment, and the only thing I’ve ever aggressively invested in is liquor, which granted has a pretty quick return turnaround time if we’re talking about Southern Comfort.

My desktop Media PC TV breaking down has ultimately been a blessing in surprise, although I am paying a couple of college students to come over tomorrow morning to try to fix it. God bless CraigsList. Anyhew, I’ve had loads more time to read now that I can’t Tivo Sanford and Son reruns, and I’m going to keep the trend going. I’m interested primarily in business management, finance and personal sanity. What read should be next on my list?

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Un Autre Crowning Achievement.

by admin on May 11, 2006
in

My new crown popped off a few months back while I was working in the office on a Saturday night. A truly amazing thing happened to me that evening when I stopped in for a drink on my way home. I can’t get into the details, but in the interests of setting the stage – let me just say “I can die now“. And no, I didn’t go home with Shirley Hemphill. Which is good because among other reasons she’d been dead for 7 years by that time. I’ll never forget that night, is my point.

So when that same pesky tooth cap popped off again yesterday, as I absent-mindedly tore into a Sour Patch Kid, I was initially obviously very upset. But then I remembered my previous good fortune and wondered – was there a tie in? Would the tooth fairy return, and was she still going to be as generous? The short answer is “no“. All I got out of the deal was an emergency trip to Newbury Dental this morning and an hour’s less sleep. But I think I learned a larger lesson, so perhaps the true value of crownfest #2 has yet to be revealed.

Whether it was the 7th consecutive day of Blade Runner weather, the obnoxious ponces in the Back Bay or my violent aversion to all things homeless – one thing is becoming clearer and clearer. It’s probably time for me to leave Boston. When my lease is up in September, that may be it for this chapter of my life. It’s a good thing. A change is as good as a rest – and I feel like I’ve been on a HabiTrail treadmill for a good year now. If I were a puddle of rain water, I’d be full of bacteria and SeaMonkeys. If I were a tourist in Florida, I’d have one round behind the ear and my head against the steering wheel. If I were a shark, I’d be a floater. I’ll stop.

I really think the semi-infamous wanderlust of my early 20’s has returned. And I think I like it.

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RSShake What Your Momma Gave Ya.

by admin on May 11, 2006
in Pye in the Face

First off, right out of the gate, a tremendous thank you to whichever internet ne’er do well took the time needed to put this lovely Shakira montage together. Sincerely. That trunk is full. Put the luggage in the back seat with Grandma.

Next, a few kind words about RSS Bandit. You’re reading my blog, so you probably read a few others. Did you know you can also have your news, stock quotes, movie reviews, gossip, weather and just about every other form of data under the sun delivered via RSS feeds? Download the Bandit – for those of you who are RSS amateurs, or get laid regularly, the greatest feature is the application’s ability to take any URL you give it and then hunt for an RSS feed. Sometimes they can be hard to find. So you just tell it to add a new subscrition, type in the basic site name, and if there’s a feed there it will find it. You can keep your feeds organized in a left hand column similar to IE favorites, and I absolutely love it – and I had tried many aggregators before settling on this one.

Now that I’ve come off like a huge nerd today, let me wrap up by chatting about my weight like a woman for a few lines. I mean, we’ve already established that I’m going to die alone. When you lose weight, even a little when you have a small fluxuation range like I do, your wardrobe suddenly doubles. I am back into 36s and am steadily dropping weight like a hot air balloon headed for a forest fire. If I see another fucking apple I’m going to shriek, but it’s a nice feeling and I missed these pants. Welcome back Perry Ellis.

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The Terrible T-Shirt Dilemma.

by admin on May 10, 2006
in

Here’s the thing. Go over to GoonBlog and look at our cool new logo which I paid to have someone do properly. DVS and I, in the name of goodwill and free publicity, planned to have the logo printed on the front of a T-shirt (and a funny saying like “Shit Disturber” or “Drop the Gloves” on the back) and to then give them away to friends and people who frequent our site. I even had an apparent hook-up with a local company. But we’re running into challenges, the least of which is our collective addiction to Slapshot and booze.

To screen the 4 color logo is cost prohibitive – we’re looking at many hundreds of dollars at even friendly prices. And a one-color screen on one side of a shirt is too simple and blah. We may have to settle for that, but we’re not ready to roll over and give in yet. For things other than bum sex, anyway. Cafepress or Zazzle would be easy, but we’re talking about heat-transfers at that point, and even then they come in at a $14-25 cost- per-shirt and we could never expect to sell them and definitely not give them away for free.

My question is simply this – does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? There has got to be a better solution. T-shirts cost $2 for flip’s sake. We’ve put men on the moon, we can manufacture a logo’d shirt for less than $20. Any guidance is appreciated. You’ll get a shirt out of the deal. But honestly, probably bum sex if DVS has his way.

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Wednesday Weigh-In #4: Ham-Handed Heifers

by admin on May 10, 2006
in

It’s that time again, bountiful boys and girls. We’re down to 7 participants from the original 15. Some opted out and some disappeared like the first 2 little pigs. The herd has been culled – only the serious pork-assers remain. 8 weeks and many pounds left to go – so let’s look at this week’s bad news.



– Monster >> Current: 265 / Last Week – 268 / Target 255 / Lost 3
– Smash >> Current: 138 / Last Week – 138.5 / Target 129 / Lost .5
– Pyeman >> Current: 226 / Last Week – 227 / Target 210 / Lost 1
– DVS >> Current 246 / Last Week – 248 / Target 210 / Lost 2
– Aubz >> Current: 134 / Last Week – 134 /Target 125 / Lost 0
– BDoyle >> Current: 188 – / Last Week – 187 / Target 175 / Gained 1
– Piglet >>> Current: 145 / Last Week – 147 / Target 135 / Lost 2.5
– Not Lance >>> Current: 171 / Last Week – 171 / Target 161 / Lost 0
– Greg >> Current: 187 / Last Week – 195 / Target 170 / Lost 8
– Venditti >> Current: 230 / Last Week – 232 / Target 219 / Lost 2
– Ka-Rista >> Current: 158 / Last Week – 158 / Target 140 / Lost 0

DVS is making steady progress, as is Smash and I am back on track after two heavy weekends. Not Lance is a seemingly serious new addition. Hang in there, piglets – we’re getting there. I am finding this easier and easier as my stomach shrinks and Red Cross humanitarian aid packages drop through my ceiling. Pretty soon Angelina will adopt me and I’ll finally be heir to the Pitt millions. This is going swimmingly.

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A Plea For Photographs.

by admin on May 9, 2006
in

I left my camera at home Saturday night, so I have little in the way of the incriminating evidence you all know I like to post in my gallery. As it was Janet’s 30th – I’d really like to get my hands on whatever is out there. If you attended, and you have some good photos, please send them my way, posthaste.

On that note, thanks to all who came, especially Penny from Toronto, as you made her night. A truly great time was had by all, and I almost want to turn 30 again now myself. Help me out.

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Monday’s Quotelet: You Sweater Recognize!

by admin on May 8, 2006
in
The novelty of resembling Ron Jeremy began to wear off when it started to interfere with Khalel’s sweater business.
{ 5 Comments }

Friday Is Pyeday.

by admin on May 5, 2006
in

I wasn’t sent a quizzlet today, so I apologize for the lack of one. The parents just arrived in town for JP’s 30th, and they’re going to be rocking my roofdeck in about an hour. Like Lenscrafters. I am excited to see them, as its been months, and this whole weekend should be a doozy. I am looking forward to the birthday party tomorrow, where my most awesome secret surprise for Janet will finally be revealed! No, Jenna Jameson will not be attending.

I know, I know. I haven’t mentioned Squidoo in a long time and you’re all getting edgy. Again, my sincerest regrets. I am mentioning it today because I got my first check from them today – percentages of revenue my lenses generate from the ads on them. What am I going to spend my $22 on? I’m taking suggestions.

You may have noticed the new graphic in the left column. You may have also masturbated in the shower this morning. I passed my very difficult Google Adwords Marketing Professional exam, and am now allowed to put that up there for ya. I haven’t taken a test in a very long time, and I’ll tell ya – they were not fond memories. I was tempted to start peeing in a small cup.

Speaking of piss, a friend and I watched the most recent episode of Trailer Park Boys the other night entitled “High-Definition Piss Jugs”. It was, without a doubt, the funniest one I have ever seen, and may replace “Who’s the Microphone Assassin” as my all time favorite. I never thought I’d see myself type that. Interest in a TPB marathon has been amazingly positive, and those of you in the know can expect an Evite next week. This season is the best since #3, and I’m so happy they found their groove again.

I think I’ve exposed my nerdery enough for one day, Boston. Enjoy the weather. Rampant roofdeckery season begins anew.

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