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Archives for May 2006

JP’s Birthday At The Red Fez – The Final Countdown.


in Heartwarming

When Pyes have birthdays, the weather usually tries to end the family line. I don’t know if one of my Norse ancestors insulted Zeus or frigging Beowulf or found the Monkey’s Paw or whatever. But it never fails. My Cinco de Mayo/JP’s b-day parties have been marred by torrential downpours 4 of the last times, and my 30th saw the biggest snowstorm that had hit Boston in 20 years. But, barring locusts, we’re on for Saturday night for Japes’ 30th at the Red Fez.

I have been planning parties for a long time, and attending them for even longer, so I thought I’d compile a list of things I’ve learned over the years. And perhaps a few pet peeves. If you’re coming, this info may prove useful and avoid potential party fouls.

1. Please refrain from ever using the term “party foul”.
2. Don’t ask me what time you should be there. There’s been an Evite, discussion on the blog, and you’re also probably over the age of 6. Parties on Saturday nights start between 8 & 9, unless they’re being held at a preschool or in the activity room of an institution not permitted to provide forks.
3. If you don’t know how to get there, please look on the Evite, Google it or look at the restaurant’s website that I’ve linked to several times now before you set out. I am not good at driving directions, especially in the South End, and the only way in which I’d be able to help you is to pass my phone to someone else or light a fucking car on fire in front of the joint.
4. If you know Janet, and she doesn’t want to hit you for any reason, you’re invited. If you didn’t get the Evite it’s an oversight and do not take it personally. My friends included.
5. Have an exit strategy. Unless you’re somehow related, or part of my inner, inner circle, I don’t have after hour parties anymore. It sucks, but it’s not worth the neighborhood grief I get.
6. If you’re on the Evite, reply to it. It makes her feel good.

That’s about it for now. I hope to see y’all there, and please remember – Don’t feed Gordo any liquor.

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Got A Whale Of A Tale To Tell Ya, Lads.


in Movies

Today hasn’t exactly been a bad day per se – but it just got a whole lot better. You know any modern mention of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea gets me moist. This is a friggin’ doozy.

The new movie will be period set in the exact year (1867) of Verne’s novel. I worship the novel and the Disney film and hope to do neither any disrespect! However, this is a re-adaptation NOT a remake. The idea is to go where previous film versions couldn’t due to lack of technology, etc. and to finally put some of the novel’s classic scenes that have never been filmed in any version onto the big screen for the first time. That and a few surprises along the way.

The giant squid will obviously be badass CGI, as will the Nautilus and all the great underwater scenes. But I hope they keep my favorite moment intact – namely Ned getting drunk while locked in his cabin with the old smelly grey sealion. Let’s hope they don’t get all Hollywood-2006-PC on us and have him drinking iced chai latte with a transgendered baby seal. Or Alec Baldwin.

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Wednesday Weigh-In #3: Pork Me, You Dirty Bastard.


in

Some good results so far this week, although I hit a bit of a snag. My excuse is, since we’re having Janet’s party at the Red Fez this Saturday, and paying lots for appetizers for the punters, so I obviously had to go down there Monday night for quality control purposes. Let’s see a funny pig photo and then look at the tale of the tape:



– Monster >> Current: 268 / Last Week – 270 / Target 255 / Lost 2
– Smash >> Current: 138.5 / Last Week – 139 / Target 129 / Lost .5
– Pyeman >> Current: 227 / Last Week – 226 / Target 210 / Gained 1
– Greg >> Current: 205 / Last Week – 205 / Target 170 / Lost 0
– DVS >> Current 248 / Last Week – 250 / Target 210 / Lost 2
– Aubz >> Current: 134 / Last Week – 134 /Target 125 / Lost 0
– Ka-Rista >> Current: 158 / Last Week – 159 / Target 140 / Lost 1
– Venditti >> Current: 232 / Last Week – 238 / Target 219 / Lost 6
– Sly >> Current: 216 – Last Week – 218 / Target 205 / Lost 2
– LBN >> Current: 155 / Last Week – 157 / Target 135 – Gained 2
– BDoyle >> Current: 187 – / Last Week – 189 / Target 175 / Lost 2
– Brick02 >> Current: 154 / Last Week – 154 / Target 144 – Lost 0
– Piglet >>> Current: 147 / Last Week – 148.5 / Target 135 / Lost 1.5
– Richard >> Current: 180 / Last Week – 185 / Target 170 – Lost 5

If your name hasn’t been bolded, I am still waiting on results so get them in to me pronto. I think next week we’ll have enough data for a little progress Pye chart. See what I did there? Good luck to us all, because the Slimfast bar novelty is definitely wearing off. The next couple of weeks will be where we separate the serious from the porkies. The wheat from the chaff. The men from the boys. The heifers from the healthy. Chime in on your experiences thus far in the comments, and let’s keep it chugging. And no chugging bacon grease.

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Let’s Have A President’s Choice Buttered Roll With Peaches.


in

I know I said I love you
I know you know it’s true
I got to put the phone down
And do what we gotta do

One’s standing in the aisle way
Two more at the door
We got to get inside there
Before they kill some more

I previously mentioned my dissapointment at Neil Young’s recent moonbat mutation – namely his decision to write an entire album criticising the Iraq War and to release a song called “Let’s Impeach the President“. Young is one of the most amazing, prolific songwriters in history, and I’m sure he could have played it a little subtler with his eyes closed and had the same effect – whatever his motivations are. This is a bit of a 360, and an unwelcome one at that.

Mark Steyn has more: The news that my compatriot Neil Young has now released a song called “Let’s Impeach The President” is a sad reminder of how far we’ve slipped back in the last five years. His song “Let’s Roll” was a terrific tribute to the brave passengers of Flight 93, and the difference in focus between these two songs is very telling about not just our entertainment industry but about our broader civilizational confidence.

I’m reminded of a little known rapper, Intelligent Hoodlum, who graced us with his seminal liberal horseshit hit Arrest the President back in 1988. In addition to adopting perhaps the most blatant oxymoron in history as his moniker, IH was firing pretty blind and rallying against Reaganomics and Ronnie’s obvious vendetta against minorities. Now Neil is joining the good fight, and also blaming one man for the bulk of the Universe’s problems.

If you can sense the sarcasm, it’s because I’m laying it on pretty thick. I mean, there’s the Intelligent Hoodlums of the world, and then there’s Neil fucking Young. Impeach the President? Fuck off. Is Neil losing his grip? He recently turned 60 – does he feel like he’s running out of time in which to save the world? Does he feel badly about penning the “Let’s Roll” 5 years ago, which brought a lot of comfort to a lot of people during that horrible time?

No one has the answers
But one thing is true
You got to turn on evil
When it’s comin’ after you

You got to face it down
And when it tries to hide
You got to go in after it
And never be denied
Time is runnin’ out
Let’s roll…

I am less concerned with bandying our collective pedestrian opinions back and forth about how dumb Bush is vs. whether or not we’re all in very real danger of dying in a nuclear blaze – and more interested in why Young is bothering to do this. It’s bothering me because he’s a) Canadian, b) a genius who should know better and c) flipping and a flopping around, while accusing GWB of doing the same thing. Neil – please write some more songs about praries and moons, and shut the fuck up. The evil hasn’t started fighting itself.

Click here for the full lyrics which were just released today. I think Neil may need to give a freshman girl at UMASS Amherst a co-writing credit. “Stop playing Neil Young at the facist penis parties!”

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Monday’s Quotelet: Uncle Dirty Pants.


in


Little Suki’s Mom could never understand why she got so upset when Uncle Mike came over to babysit. Years later, when Suki learned to speak, Mom got her answer. Loosely translated from the Japanese: “All the damn buggery.”

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