Canadiana

Although we got the dock and boatlift in over a month ago, neither monstrosity has has been “sitting” properly on the lake bottom. One corner of the dock would dip frighteningly when stepped on and the boat lift was too far from the shore, requiring a tremendous amount of wheel cranking to get it into or out of the water. I finally decided I’d had enough of my family’s rickety death marina.

A neighbor was asked to come over with his ATV which has a powerful winch on the front of it. I grabbed a mask, snorkel and long metal pipe for leverage, jumped into the lake and attached the cable to the frame of the lift. With some difficulty, and several dives down to clear away rocks, we managed to maneuver the lift closer to the shore and lined up perfectly with the dock. After the repositioning I discovered in no uncertain terms that my lung capacity is not what it used to be as I dove down to the bottom multiple times to rearrange rocks, stabilize and level the four lift posts.

Once the lift was squared away, I went back underwater and swam into the dark area underneath the dock before jamming a nice big, flat rock under the leg that tended to dip. While I was down there, I gathered up some bottle caps, a thermometer and an old boat bumper that had been resting in peace for gosh knows how long. After that, I dried off by screwing some extra rubber trim onto a bare section of dock edge and relocating a cleat that had been in an inconvenient spot. So now when we moor the boat without putting it into the lift the cleats are perfectly lined up with the bow and stern lines. Listen to me, eh? Pretty soon I’ll have a parrot perched on my shoulder.

The most amazing thing about the whole procedure were the staggering number of fish who turned out to watch/lend their support. Everytime I came up for air and then dove back down to where I’d just been 15 seconds or so before, there’d be a group of curious fish hovering around the spot where I’d just been meddling with their world. Big fish, little fish swimming in the water (this is beginning to sound like a PJ Harvey song)… perch, bass, sunfish – they were fearless and it’s a sight I’ll be returning to soon, possibly with additional masked intruders.

Sully and Jim – y’all need to get up here this summer because the fishin’ must be exceptional. Call me the dock doc.

As all my clients are American I can’t exactly kick back, relax and swell with pride today. As usual, there’s a lot of the old online marketing to do. But I do want to mark the occasion here on the blog and wish all of my Canuckian readers (and those Yanks who suffer from poutine-envy) a lovely Canada Day. Here are a few spellbinding facts I dug up for the occasion…

• Canada is the second largest country in the world, with 9,971,000 square kilometres of land.
• The baseball glove was invented in Canada in 1883.
• With only three people per square kilometer, Canada has the fourth lowest population density in the world.
• The world’s smallest jail is believed to be in Rodney, Ontario, Canada. It is only 24.3 square meters (about 270 square feet).
• Canada has the ninth biggest economy of the world
• According to the United Nations Human Development Index, Canada has the highest quality of life in the world.
• Contrary to popular opinion, Canada does not own the North Pole. In fact, the North Pole is not owned by any country.
• Canada is the world’s eighth biggest trader.
• Of all of the world’s producers of natural gas, copper, zinc, nickel, aluminum, and gold, Canada is in the top five.
• Canada is the fifth largest energy producer.
• Canada has the world’s highest tertiary education enrolment.

Alright, alright – one at a time. We can’t take you all at once. Be patient, and one day maybe you too can be lucky enough to call yourself a citizen of the mighty country that invented basketball, the electric light bulb, the electric range, the electron microscope, standard time, the television, the telephone and the zipper. Have a doozy, and let’s keep the boating deaths to a minimum this year, OK?

Slowly, slowly we’re improving our lot around these here parts. The weekend before last Janet, a neighbor and I cleared out on of the basement room, which is actually about 80% “finished” (drop ceiling in place, drywall and mudding done, painted) with the exception of carpeting. We then proceeded to turn it into an office, complete with a wireless printer and two separate business landlines for Janet and myself, and I’m beyond happy that we did so.

Above my desk there’s a photo collage I made last year one day when my internet was out. It’s a Concord collection featuring high school friends only, and using my new printer I plan to make “Best Buddy” and family versions. To the right of the window is the “Gord Wall” where I’ve hung some of my Dad’s plaques and accreditations and I gaze up at it whenever I feel my attention span waning. His inspiration for going back to school? My Mom getting pregnant with me. The man went from a steel mill monkey to a marketing executive with a college degree in a little over a decade and is my professional inspiration.

For several years the room had been crammed with a disassembled pool table, furniture and a ton of other things no one had gotten around to dealing with. We cleared out the adjacent utility room, put in shelves there to make better use for storage, consolidated and moved everything out and then set up what is turning into a pretty sweet space. The couch you can see is a big pullout so the room will eventually serve double-duty as a guest room. We don’t like to confine elderly relatives or anyone above the age of 40 to the Winchester. So you can breathe a sigh of relief, Sully. I wish I’d taken “before” pictures as the transformation is complete and amazing. Above you can see my little corner of productivity and below you’ll gasp in awe at Janet’s. This is where the magic happens and the Pye siblings bring home the bacon.

The rug is comprised of these floor tiles we found at Canadian Tire and I am picking up another batch today I ordered so that we can finish off the entire room. We were only able to do half as they didn’t have enough in stock. Sam the neighbor who now works with me will be setting up the right hand desk this morning which is actually the other half of mine until he gets his good one from his old place in Ottawa. The window looks out onto the lake and the air which drifts in and then gets distributed by the fan is good for the brain.

It’s a big space so there shouldn’t be a problem with background noise if we’re both on the phone at the same time. Notice our office assistants and particularly Shepherd’s new anti-bark shock collar which is like the size of a car battery. I have since removed it as it seems to have served its purpose rather quickly. There’s definitely no danger of Shep becoming a Spiderman villain, to put it mildly. The middle of the room is currently reserved for DVDs, a dog bed and some EZ-chairs. We may eventually put a TV and a conference table in here as well. Lotsa room.

And of course everyday after lunch we break for a rousing game of “Shepherd Checkers”. The blue chair you see above is Boss’ favorite and I moved it in near me especially for him. The room stays nice and cool so the puppies love it and the rest of the basement looks great as we sorted, cleaned and consolidated it all at the same time. This time next year I think it’s safe to say that the large room outside of the office will be carpeted, ceilinged, wired up and playing host to a home theater, dart board, bar and an inter-family lake pool league. It’s coming together. Slowly, slowly catchy Rhuby.

I just read an article on CNN entitled “Fifth severed foot found on Canadian coast“. It gave me pause for thought, as you might think, and I read through it in its entirety. Basically there is an island in a normally very peaceful and picturesque coastal area of British Colombia that seems to attract floating tootsies. Here are the poignant bits…

• Since last August, a total of five severed feet have washed up on the same small island near Vancouver.
• The first four were right feet, this one was left. Daniel Day Lewis could not be reached for comment.
• Some locals think it’s a serial killer.
• Some locals think it’s due to gang violence.
• Some locals think they are the remains of several men who were killed in an airplance crash shortly before the first foot was found almost a year ago.
• Although tests are underway, there have been no DNA results to link the owners of said feet or establish identity.

These are all terrific theories, my brethren with badges to the far West – but I already covered and predicted these very events in your specific area several months ago. Let me save everyone on Westham Island, or the “Canadian Amity Island” as I am going to call it, some valuable time. Your suspect has a beak, tentacles and a penchant for ink. And I’m not talking about tattoos.