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Veekend Video: Spud’s Walkin’


in Animalistic, Travels, Veekend Video

As walking a cat on a leash seems a bit ridiculous to me, I decided to tape one of my jaunts with my parent’s cat, Spud, on the off-chance anything funny might happen. Watching it back and editing it together with a little Fats Domino, I realized the whole event was funny in and of itself – so I’m featuring it here on Veekend Video.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4K-PDtcrcOo[/youtube]

Not to mention the peacock standoff, poisonous caterpillar warning and controlled burn / raging blaze which touched off only a hundred meters from our trailer. Definitely an interesting 15 minutes of Florida morning, edited down for you here to about 4 and a half. This is one strange universe.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Raiders of the Lost Park


in Friday's Quizzlet, Monday's Quotelet, Travels

I’ve been meaning to write a few vignette type blurbs about some of the interesting experiences I’ve had whilst living in a trailer park for the last two weeks. As my time is fairly limited at the moment, I’m going to try and kill that bird and the Quizzlet bird with one stone today. Let’s see if I can spin these questions my way…

Appetizer: What is your favorite beverage?
Definitely water of the bottled variety. There are 4 types of water I have recently become intimately acquainted with while living in Wickham Park. Bottled water is self explanatory. Grey water is what ends up stored in the trailer via the sinks and shower. Black water is what they call the trailer sewage, pumped out every Monday by the infamous Honey Wagon – however the more able-bodied residents use the public washroom/laundry building which all the trailers encircle for ‘number twos’. The fourth type of water is the kind which shuts off for two days and forces masses of senior citizens to build pyramids in said washroom building like ancient Egyptians.

IMG 1253

Home Sweet Home

Soup: Name 3 things that are on your computer desk at home or work.
My father’s Captain Teague doll, which spouts a variety of piratey sayings voiced by Keith Richards when its motion detector is tripped, sits on the table I have commandeered as a desk. “It’s not about living forever. It’s about living with yourself forever” is what I’m greeted with every time I get up to put the cat on or off his leash. Every day I move it somewhere else, and every day it miraculously returns to haunt me. I feel like I’ve been living in this trailer forever and am craving the space, comfy bed and even the temperature of home. “It’s not about living in the trailer forever. It’s about… OK you’re right. Keep the rum.”

Salad: On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest), how honest do you think you are?
Every evening there is a moveable feast of sorts, with all of my parent’s friends gathering in lawn chairs for drinks in front of one trailer or another. One of the friendlier residents, who is teaching me how to play Frisbee golf next week, is a Civil War re-enactor with a little penchant for booze. The other night he mixed up vodka with some sort of coffee energy drink and was passing it around. “It’s not bad,” I said, “but you’ll want to try my Mudslides sometime.” I may regret making that statement, as I have been conscripted by the North to make ‘slides for the whole park tonight and I have to head out soon to get the fixings. Thank goodness the liquor is so cheap in Florida. Where does the honesty factor in to it, you ask? I told them they weren’t too strong (senior citizens, remember). That statement alone knocks me right down to a 7.

Main Course: If you could change the name of one city in the world, what would you rename it and why?
Wickham Park is in a city called Melbourne which is an hour away from Orlando where I fly in and out of. It’s a myriad of strip malls, palm trees and homeless people on bikes. I have, however, enjoyed the Mexican food which is in short supply in Ottawa. Everyone says “y’all” and I have been reminded that Florida is indeed part of the American South, although people don’t often consider it in that category due to all the tourism and Latin American influence. There’s an Airstream trailer near ours with both a classic Confederate flag and the “Don’t Tread on Me” version flying high off the top. Most of the folks in the park have been in the military, and one fellow was a substitute teacher at both Concord Carlisle and Acton Boxborough whom Janet claims to remember. I’m rambling here, but a reasonable spin. I guess I’d rename it Peacockton, based on a recent event I captured on video and will be editing into a clip to post here over the weekend.

Dessert: What stresses you out? What calms you down?
I have to get back to work: Venemous caterpillar warnings / Mudslides.

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Bonnie is Back Home


in

Health update for family and friends: Mom is back from the hospital and staying at a friend’s house nearby who has a condo, as opposed to a trailer, and a spare bedroom. I pick her up in the morning, bring her to the park for the day and then take her back to a proper bed at night. She is in good spirits and has bounced back really well. She promptly took Spud for a walk as soon as she got to the trailer this morning and soon had a little entourage of park residents walking with her – it was very cute.

The bad news is, her pathology report came back and we found out yesterday that she will need “continued treatment” – which basically amounts to Chemo. So, that obviously sucks, and I don’t think any of us expected it based on certain indicators that hadn’t been there in the PET scan or the recent blood work. After some sniffles we got back on the horse and have made an appointment with Mom’s oncologist for early next week. He will help us decide what the next steps are and whether or not the folks will have to cut their Florida season short. If chemo is yet again the course of action Mom wants to have it done in Canada with the same doctors who managed it when she went through this 3 years ago. In which case by May we’ll have Mom, Dad, me, Janet, 2 puppies and 3 cats living under the same roof. Thank goodness I managed to finish the Winchester last summer – cause I’ll be moving the frig in!

Yes, the news could have been better. But the surgery went off without a hitch, and the cancer hasn’t spread beyond the lymph nodes which are easy enough to zap and clear out. There is even a brand new drug called Avastin which cuts off blood supply to affected lymph nodes thereby killing off the harmful cells. We may give that a go prior to dusting off the wig again. Said hairpiece sits in a box on a shelf in my bedroom closet and I sincerely hoped to be able to burn the damn thing once I got home.

My family is quickly turning into a seasoned troop of grizzled health issue veterans, and we’ll get through this like we’ve tackled everything else. And let’s be honest – the weasels are really going to help both Mom and Dad’s mood and recovery. Only 3.5 weeks left till puppy ground zero! My hardwood floors shudder in fearful anticipation.

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Gallery Updates for Gazing


in Photos

I just updated my galleries with a few new sections and updates. First off, enjoy silly stills of my Florida adventures thus far. You’ll see angry peacocks, cats on leashes and awful septic snaps. Then, please marvel at my latest additions to the Shepherd 2.0 gallery. Rhuby and Shep’s eyes are open and they look less like Guinea Pigs and more like Boston Terriers these days. Finally, I’ve also added a gallery of Christmas photos where you’re sure to enjoy elves on shelves, pirates, weird looking dogs and nocturnal poolside partying. Use plenty of lube and don’t chaff yourselves.

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Monday’s Quotelet: Bashful Bostons


in

IMG 5802

When Shep and Ruby were shown a photo of their soon-to-be adopted parents, David and Janet, they immediately asked if they could be re-assigned. Or perhaps even sewn into a sack and thrown in the nearest river.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Trailer Park Nerds


in Friday's Quizzlet, Monday's Quotelet, Nerdery, Television

Appetizer: What is your middle name? Would you change any it if you could?
My middle name is James after my Grandfather Jimmy Smith. Not to be confused with Jimmy Smits who is far too young and hispanic to be my Grandfather. Jimmy Smith was born in Scotland and I spent most of my youth following him around and aping his accent – which probably explains a lot regarding my propencity for mimicry. And scotch.

Soup: If you were a designer, which fabrics, colors, and styles would you use the most?Gay-Pirate
I am a big fan of forest green, cobalt blue and not being gay. In terms of a style I think I’d be leaning towards metro-sexual pirate. “Avast, me hearties! Can I borrow a flask of rum and two fingers of product fer me fookin’ beard?”

Salad: What is your least favorite chore, and why?
I find that changing bed sheets requires an insane amount of effort. Especially if you use the same set over and over. Or frequently piss the bed. Stripping the mattress is quick enough, washing and drying is fairly automatic. It’s putting the whole thing together that takes the most time. Then you have to pull the bed out from the wall, flip the mattress so you can sleep on the dry side and sprinkle more lime on the dead hooker under the boxspring – it’s quite a chore, to be fair.

Main Course: What is something that frightens you? Can you trace it back to a life event?
Even now I do not like swimming in the ocean. I have never been a big beach person but to actually submerge myself in the open sea is something I might do once a summer. In terms of an determining event I’ll say what everyone else probably does – repeated viewings of Jaws as a child. And the fact that I was drowned as a witch in one of my former lives.

Dessert: Where are you sitting right now? Name 3 things you can see at this moment.
I am sitting at a makeshift desk in my parent’s trailer. Dad is to my right watching the first season of SNL on DVD (a present from me, obviously). The hockey fights DVD is probably going to be next. I can see the picnic table outside where I plan to sit tonight, have a beer and play LOTRO after the sun sets. That’s wicked nerdy, I know, but I’m on Dad-duty this week and as crazy as it sounds even I can only watch so many Bond films. Finally I see one of the park peacocks strutting around the lake next to our trailer. This is definitely a strange little universe I’ve found myself in that I will try to relay in future posts. Happy Friday, y’all!

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Bonnie’s Bum is Better


in

Dad and I are heading back to the hospital in a few minutes but I wanted to quickly let everyone know that Mom’s surgery went as well as it possibly could have yesterday. We spoke to her in the recovery ward while she was waiting for a room and she had her eyes open and was still rambling on through the morphine wondering if we had enough to eat. Bless. She’ll be in the hospital for at least 8 days and then we’ll bring her back to the park where one of the neighbors, who is away, has generously offered up their sweet RV for her to stay in while Dad and I try not to strangle each other over which James Bond DVD to watch next door. As they say in FLA, “I’ll keep y’all posted“.

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Roam if you Want to… Unless you’re in Ottawa


in Nerdery, Travels

I finally made it to the trailer park in Melbourne, Florida around 7pm last night and am now working on one of the surgical waiting room computers at the hospital where my Mom is having her operation. Luckily there’s also a big flatscreen in here so my father will be mesmerized for a couple of hours. So far so good, and I hope to set out soon in search of the cafeteria for one of those awesome hospital lemon danishes and a shot glass full of OJ.

Last night after my arrival I set up my computer and tried to get online using my newly purchased Verizon Wireless card. It’s a little antenna looking thing that you plug into one of your USB ports that allows you to access the internet using cell phone signals. It costs $60 a month and works pretty well. I bought it specifically while I was here at Christmas so I could work from the park for the next few weeks while I’m in Florida, but it was a Godsend Monday and Tuesday when I was stuck in Ottawa. I used it for work and left it on all night as I slept in my hotel because it’s a flat fee. After I set it up and tried to log on, I got an error message telling me to call customer service. I was quickly sent from the one of the main customer service reps to some sort of ‘wireless investigation’ department. The person I spoke to went on to inform me that they’d ‘hotlined’ (disabled) my card because over the previous 2 days in Ottawa I’d racked up $908 in ‘roaming charges’. Apparently I only had a national plan.

My silver tongue quickly came to the rescue as I calmly pulled out the dementia and ass cancer cards while also relaying how I’d been shown a coverage map when purchasing the card a few weeks before when I was last in the States. “Sure it’ll work in Ottawa!” (Oh-tah-wah) the sales person working on commission cheerfully told me. So no big tragedy here. Verizon is doing the right thing and waiving the charges. But I can’t imagine it’s too hard to implement measures that would keep such a device from working at all in another country. Anyway, I have bigger fish to fry today. Thanks to everyone who’s sent along well wishes, I look forward to your Valentines Day cards and I’ll keep you posted.

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Fog can Suck my Fock


in Travels

I’m back at gate 11 in the Ottawa airport, once again trying to get on my flight to Orlando. Yesterday my 11:30am flight was eventually cancelled around 3pm, and currently that same flight is the only flight throughout every airline that still hasn’t been cancelled. As visibility through the window beside me is about 25 feet – I’m not optimistic.

I’ve never seen fog like this. Did anyone see The Mist a couple of months ago? I did, and everytime I longingly look out at the runway to see if the fog has lifted, I expect a giant monster bug to smash against the glass. This is unreal. My mother’s surgery is tomorrow and I have to get down to look after my father. But what do you do? Is it worth even getting mad?

I’ve already called the hotel and re-booked my room for another night, because there’ll be another swarm of Orlando-bound cancellites scrambling for them in about 3 more hours. Tonight I may venture out of the hotel, do myself a favor and treat myself to a decent dinner. But to be honest – I have no idea what’s around. In my 3 times now driving to and from over the last 2 days, the various cabs and shuttles can’t see farther than about 10 feet in front of them.

At least WestJet is making it as tolerable as they can. They automatically rebooked my on today’s flight immediately after yesterday’s was cancelled. By the time I got through to them on the phone, they were like “Yep, same time tomorrow.” So I have that going for me. And total conciousness on my deathbed. I’m a looper. A pro jock.

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WestJet Review: They Frigging Rule


in Canadiana, Travels

All too frequently, people use their blogs to bitch about things. I try very hard not to do that, exclusively. Although I’m about to do a bit of whingeing, ultimately this post was inspired by WestJet’s amazing customer service. The old adage goes something like… Do something nice for someone and they’ll tell a few close friends. Do something bad and they’ll tell anyone who’ll listen. Well – I’m attempting to do the opposite here.

When I flew down to Boston in early November for my citizenship ceremony, I had a flight booked with Air Canada to fly down on Tuesday and return on Friday. After I booked the flights I found out that two friends of mine were driving 9 hours from D.C. to be in Boston for my swearing in and it was meant to be somewhat of a surprise. Not only that but they had made plans to stay the weekend too. Now, if someone drives 9 hours to sit in a boring 3-hour ceremony on your behalf – that’s a friend. I also discovered that my sister had organized a little party on the Friday night. Long story shorter, I absolutely had to change my return flight to Sunday.

Air Canada raked me over the coals. By the time I got off the phone with them I found myself sitting on the couch in shock – having just spent an additional $600 to change the flight having already spent $600 on a round trip ticket a few weeks before. With taxes and all that good stuff two short flights to and from Boston ended up costing me nearly $1500 dollars. I’ll just let that sit with you for a second…

Looking for alternative airlines, my Mother suggested WestJet. She knew from experience that they had a direct flight from Ottawa to Orlando. To get to Orlando on Air Canada (which I did 2 weeks ago for Christmas) not only do you have to sell a kidney but you have to first fly to Toronto, find your baggage, go through customs, go through airport security for a second time and then by the grace of God make your connecting flight. Same deal on the way back a week ago. So when my Mother recently told me her cancer had returned and she needed me down there again by January 15th to take care of my Father while she had her second surgery for this goddamnned fucking bastard of a disease, I sighed audibly. Then I remembered WestJet.

I booked a round-trip flight on WestJet.com back to Florida 6 days ago as soon as I mikethen returned from there. The fare was so low that when I CC’d the neighbor who is looking after my cat on the itinerary she called me to ask how I’d managed to get such a low fare. It was almost half of what Air Canada would have charged for a semi-last minute booking. My Mother called me yesterday to tell me that her surgery had been moved from the 15th to the 9th – so immediately I envisioned a good part of my savings flying out of the window like a flock of seagulls. I mean, that’s what I’m used to, right?

Not only did WestJet get me on a flight this coming Monday when I called them an hour ago, they agreed to put my return ticket into a credit because I don’t know when I’ll be able to return. Did the last minute change to Monday have a fare increase? Unfortunately, yes. $20 fucking dollars. Not only that, but when I briefly mentioned the reason for my schedule change, Chantal unflinchingly said she was going to waive the normal fee for that which would have come in at close to $100. I was speechless.

WestJet’s routes are currently limited, I was sad to discover they don’t fly to Boston, for example, but the agent told me they were adding new destinations all the time. Check out their current routes and do yourself a favor – fly WestJet. I’ll update this post with some details from the actual flight experience when I get to FLA.

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Good News for People Coming to Visit Shep This Summer


in Canadiana

In addition to my vertitable busloads of imaginary friends, with their wee purple wingys and tails that leave stingys, I’m sure at least a couple of my American pallies will make the drive. To see my puppies. What luck then that the USA has decided to delay the much maligned Western Hemisphere Travel Initiative!

If you’ve never been outside of the USA, or are otherwise American, (hey now!) the WHTI is a new Yank law, already in place for air travel obviously, which will eventually require all Canadians (and Americans) who are entering the U.S. to have a passport or other secure identity document. Gone are the days of drivers’ licenses and Super Sexe. But gone when, exactly ? How about 18 months? That’s an 18 month delay on a huge pain in the ass that was supposed to go into effect Tuesday. However – violent, un-American, random, invasive, unfair and enormously effective racial profiling is sure to continue.

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It’s my Blog and I’ll Write About Indiana Jones if I Want to…


in Movies, Nerdery

…Write about Indiana Jones if I want to, Write about Indiana Jones if I want to. You would write too if you happened to be… a huge frigging nerd. Doo doo doo doo doo doo! I’m here all week. Try the chilled monkey brains.

Vanity Fair Indiana Jones Cover

As of yet there have been few glimpses inside Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – literally. In all I think there have been only 3 official stills leaked and those were soon pulled down by hoardes of studio lawyers. The wait is over! Famed photographer Annie Liebovitz was given full access to the set over the summer and Vanity Fair’s January 2008 issue is chock full of juicy photos. I’m going to repost them here because surely no one at Paramount would mind/knows I’m alive.

Let’s talk about the cover, shall we? Harrison Ford looks great, he did something like 75% of his own stunts and when the film hits theatres on memorial day he’ll be 66 years old and the star of the biggest summer blockbuster of all time. That’s my 2008 prediction, kids. Spiderman, Anakin Skywalker and Samwise Gamgee are going to suck bad dates (follow that last link. Pure genius) – and they’re going to like it. Shia’s greaser character, rumored to be the lovechild of Indy and Marion Ravenwood, is also looking believable. I first saw him on the first Project Greenlight when he was unknown and picked to star in The Battle of Shaker Heights. Since then he’s embarked on an amazing career, nailed Rhiannon and… is that… a jawline and some stubble I see? I was initially horrified to learn he’d been cast but since then I’ve seen Transformers and Disturbia – and the kid gots chops. This could work.

Geroge Lucas, Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg on the set of Indy 4

Next we have George Lucas, Harrison and Steven Spielberg on what looks to be the soundstage for interior shots of the Mayan temple that is said to figure in to the plotline. As the crystal skull mythology (it’s nothing new) heavily involves that ancient civilization this is no surprise. Indy battles the Russians this time around and the film is set in 1957. One of the reasons I think this will work is that no one is trying to pretend they aren’t as old as the dirt used to replicate the weight of a golden idol. There will also be limited CGI and Spielberg has said he is going to scale back his direction, editing and cinematography to the level/style it was at in the 80s. In the Vanity Fair article he explains how hard it was to scale back in this fashion – there will be no Munich-esque handheld cameras, at any rate.

shiaindy-(2)

Let’s get to the ladies of Indy 4 – Karen Allen looks absolutely lovely at 55, and as one of everybody’s favorite characters from the original trilogy Marion Ravenwood’s inclusion was a solid, solid decision on Lucas’ part. She was easily lured out of semi-retirement in Massachusetts where she has been running a successful knit clothing store. I have heard speculation that the Russians kidnap Marion in order to force Indy to help them recover the crystal skull. Along the way he’ll obviously discover that his greaser student Shia is also his son. I’m looking forward to seeing how Lucas has made it all pan out.

indy4-(2)

And the moment everyone’s been waiting for – the world’s very first look at Cate Blanchett as Indy’s fourth nemesis: Agent Spalko. Add this Russian baddy to the disturbing ranks of Belloq, Toht, Mola Ram and Walter Donovan. The article features a two-minute video of the cast posing for Leibovitz and you get a much better look at Cate there. She looks incredibly sinister and ridiculously hot at the same time. Another victory for the casting department and costume designers.

I can’t wait to learn more about Ray Winstone’s character, Mac, who is said to be a Spalkofriendly rival of Indy. Most likely a replacement for Marcus Brody (Denholm Elliott died of AIDS in 1992) or Sallah. The fact that John Rhys-Davies is not participating is sad, but then again the film isn’t set in the middle east but South America this time around. And there’s no indication there won’t be a cameo. Speaking of cameos… Sir Connery, anyone? I didn’t like Shia, I didn’t like the title, but it’s all falling into place and the flick looks amazing so far. You know if Spielberg and Lucas dusted off that old fedora they’re taking the project very seriously as it could seriously tarnish their legacies and that of the franchise. Wow – most anticipated film, evah for little old me.

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Wednesday Wadio: Wilco’s ‘California Stars’


in Musical, Wednesday Wadio

Not surprisingly my podunk internet has been down for 4 days, so pardon my absence and Happy new Year to you all. I am digging out from a massive backlog of work, so brevity will be my friend today on Wadio. King of California is a solid movie I watched New Years Eve with my cat whilst drinking green tea starring Michael Douglas as a bi-polar mental patient who is released perhaps a little too soon. He moves back in with his teenage daughter and begins looking for a buried treasure he discovered the clues to whilst reading a Spanish missionary’s journal in the hospital library. The movie is about their relationship and its many strains more so than a National Treasure-type booty hunt, and Douglas’ ‘Charlie’ is a sad character that you will want desperately to believe. But does the treasure actually exist, or is this another mental episode? The DVD will be out in a few months.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcMsB3mYPMs[/youtube]

As the closing credits began to roll, and I sat laughing at the film’s one final twist involving “naked Chinamen” as Charlie likes to call them, a wonderful song I’d never heard before began to play and I looked it up this morning as soon as my web access corrected itself. It’s a little-known B-side by Wilco entitled “California Stars” and has already been added to my desktop’s “songs I want to learn to play on the guitar” text file of chords. Here is a live version from a few years ago, and I hope you enjoy it.

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I Anticipate Several Movies in 2008


in Movies

How is that for a prediction? Yes, you heard it here first, Hollywood and countries around the globe will produce at least a handful of movies in the new year. Of course… my title relates to specific movies I am looking forward to, you silly geese. As always, my old friend Brukakke asked me to participate in his 2008 movies article which I did amazingly without having to be asked a second or third time. He’s hung up on Star Trek while I have obviously been looking forward to an excuse to post this, which was released to masses of whip-stroking, drooling 34-yr-somethings earlier this month:

IJKKS

Other movies I look forward to in 2008 include: RocknRolla, Valkyrie, Semi-Pro, The Dark Knight and Bond 22. Here is a great list of upcoming 2008 flicks and their vital statistics. Have a look and let me know what you’re digging. I think it’s safe to say it’s going to be a very good year.

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