Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor
Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.
I left my camera at home Saturday night, so I have little in the way of the incriminating evidence you all know I like to post in my gallery. As it was Janet’s 30th – I’d really like to get my hands on whatever is out there. If you attended, and you have some good photos, please send them my way, posthaste.
On that note, thanks to all who came, especially Penny from Toronto, as you made her night. A truly great time was had by all, and I almost want to turn 30 again now myself. Help me out.
I wasn’t sent a quizzlet today, so I apologize for the lack of one. The parents just arrived in town for JP’s 30th, and they’re going to be rocking my roofdeck in about an hour. Like Lenscrafters. I am excited to see them, as its been months, and this whole weekend should be a doozy. I am looking forward to the birthday party tomorrow, where my most awesome secret surprise for Janet will finally be revealed! No, Jenna Jameson will not be attending.
I know, I know. I haven’t mentioned Squidoo in a long time and you’re all getting edgy. Again, my sincerest regrets. I am mentioning it today because I got my first check from them today – percentages of revenue my lenses generate from the ads on them. What am I going to spend my $22 on? I’m taking suggestions.
You may have noticed the new graphic in the left column. You may have also masturbated in the shower this morning. I passed my very difficult Google Adwords Marketing Professional exam, and am now allowed to put that up there for ya. I haven’t taken a test in a very long time, and I’ll tell ya – they were not fond memories. I was tempted to start peeing in a small cup.
Speaking of piss, a friend and I watched the most recent episode of Trailer Park Boys the other night entitled “High-Definition Piss Jugs”. It was, without a doubt, the funniest one I have ever seen, and may replace “Who’s the Microphone Assassin” as my all time favorite. I never thought I’d see myself type that. Interest in a TPB marathon has been amazingly positive, and those of you in the know can expect an Evite next week. This season is the best since #3, and I’m so happy they found their groove again.
I think I’ve exposed my nerdery enough for one day, Boston. Enjoy the weather. Rampant roofdeckery season begins anew.
When Pyes have birthdays, the weather usually tries to end the family line. I don’t know if one of my Norse ancestors insulted Zeus or frigging Beowulf or found the Monkey’s Paw or whatever. But it never fails. My Cinco de Mayo/JP’s b-day parties have been marred by torrential downpours 4 of the last times, and my 30th saw the biggest snowstorm that had hit Boston in 20 years. But, barring locusts, we’re on for Saturday night for Japes’ 30th at the Red Fez.
I have been planning parties for a long time, and attending them for even longer, so I thought I’d compile a list of things I’ve learned over the years. And perhaps a few pet peeves. If you’re coming, this info may prove useful and avoid potential party fouls.
1. Please refrain from ever using the term “party foul”.
2. Don’t ask me what time you should be there. There’s been an Evite, discussion on the blog, and you’re also probably over the age of 6. Parties on Saturday nights start between 8 & 9, unless they’re being held at a preschool or in the activity room of an institution not permitted to provide forks.
3. If you don’t know how to get there, please look on the Evite, Google it or look at the restaurant’s website that I’ve linked to several times now before you set out. I am not good at driving directions, especially in the South End, and the only way in which I’d be able to help you is to pass my phone to someone else or light a fucking car on fire in front of the joint.
4. If you know Janet, and she doesn’t want to hit you for any reason, you’re invited. If you didn’t get the Evite it’s an oversight and do not take it personally. My friends included.
5. Have an exit strategy. Unless you’re somehow related, or part of my inner, inner circle, I don’t have after hour parties anymore. It sucks, but it’s not worth the neighborhood grief I get.
6. If you’re on the Evite, reply to it. It makes her feel good.
That’s about it for now. I hope to see y’all there, and please remember – Don’t feed Gordo any liquor.
Today hasn’t exactly been a bad day per se – but it just got a whole lot better. You know any modern mention of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea gets me moist. This is a friggin’ doozy.
The new movie will be period set in the exact year (1867) of Verne’s novel. I worship the novel and the Disney film and hope to do neither any disrespect! However, this is a re-adaptation NOT a remake. The idea is to go where previous film versions couldn’t due to lack of technology, etc. and to finally put some of the novel’s classic scenes that have never been filmed in any version onto the big screen for the first time. That and a few surprises along the way.
The giant squid will obviously be badass CGI, as will the Nautilus and all the great underwater scenes. But I hope they keep my favorite moment intact – namely Ned getting drunk while locked in his cabin with the old smelly grey sealion. Let’s hope they don’t get all Hollywood-2006-PC on us and have him drinking iced chai latte with a transgendered baby seal. Or Alec Baldwin.
Some good results so far this week, although I hit a bit of a snag. My excuse is, since we’re having Janet’s party at the Red Fez this Saturday, and paying lots for appetizers for the punters, so I obviously had to go down there Monday night for quality control purposes. Let’s see a funny pig photo and then look at the tale of the tape:
– Monster >> Current: 268 / Last Week – 270 / Target 255 / Lost 2
– Smash >> Current: 138.5 / Last Week – 139 / Target 129 / Lost .5
– Pyeman >> Current: 227 / Last Week – 226 / Target 210 / Gained 1
– Greg >> Current: 205 / Last Week – 205 / Target 170 / Lost 0
– DVS >> Current 248 / Last Week – 250 / Target 210 / Lost 2
– Aubz >> Current: 134 / Last Week – 134 /Target 125 / Lost 0
– Ka-Rista >> Current: 158 / Last Week – 159 / Target 140 / Lost 1
– Venditti >> Current: 232 / Last Week – 238 / Target 219 / Lost 6
– Sly >> Current: 216 – Last Week – 218 / Target 205 / Lost 2
– LBN >> Current: 155 / Last Week – 157 / Target 135 – Gained 2
– BDoyle >> Current: 187 – / Last Week – 189 / Target 175 / Lost 2
– Brick02 >> Current: 154 / Last Week – 154 / Target 144 – Lost 0
– Piglet >>> Current: 147 / Last Week – 148.5 / Target 135 / Lost 1.5
– Richard >> Current: 180 / Last Week – 185 / Target 170 – Lost 5
If your name hasn’t been bolded, I am still waiting on results so get them in to me pronto. I think next week we’ll have enough data for a little progress Pye chart. See what I did there? Good luck to us all, because the Slimfast bar novelty is definitely wearing off. The next couple of weeks will be where we separate the serious from the porkies. The wheat from the chaff. The men from the boys. The heifers from the healthy. Chime in on your experiences thus far in the comments, and let’s keep it chugging. And no chugging bacon grease.
I know I said I love you
I know you know it’s true
I got to put the phone down
And do what we gotta do
One’s standing in the aisle way
Two more at the door
We got to get inside there
Before they kill some more
I previously mentioned my dissapointment at Neil Young’s recent moonbat mutation – namely his decision to write an entire album criticising the Iraq War and to release a song called “Let’s Impeach the President“. Young is one of the most amazing, prolific songwriters in history, and I’m sure he could have played it a little subtler with his eyes closed and had the same effect – whatever his motivations are. This is a bit of a 360, and an unwelcome one at that.
Mark Steyn has more: The news that my compatriot Neil Young has now released a song called “Let’s Impeach The President” is a sad reminder of how far we’ve slipped back in the last five years. His song “Let’s Roll” was a terrific tribute to the brave passengers of Flight 93, and the difference in focus between these two songs is very telling about not just our entertainment industry but about our broader civilizational confidence.
I’m reminded of a little known rapper, Intelligent Hoodlum, who graced us with his seminal liberal horseshit hit Arrest the President back in 1988. In addition to adopting perhaps the most blatant oxymoron in history as his moniker, IH was firing pretty blind and rallying against Reaganomics and Ronnie’s obvious vendetta against minorities. Now Neil is joining the good fight, and also blaming one man for the bulk of the Universe’s problems.
If you can sense the sarcasm, it’s because I’m laying it on pretty thick. I mean, there’s the Intelligent Hoodlums of the world, and then there’s Neil fucking Young. Impeach the President? Fuck off. Is Neil losing his grip? He recently turned 60 – does he feel like he’s running out of time in which to save the world? Does he feel badly about penning the “Let’s Roll” 5 years ago, which brought a lot of comfort to a lot of people during that horrible time?
No one has the answers
But one thing is true
You got to turn on evil
When it’s comin’ after you
You got to face it down
And when it tries to hide
You got to go in after it
And never be denied
Time is runnin’ out
Let’s roll…
I am less concerned with bandying our collective pedestrian opinions back and forth about how dumb Bush is vs. whether or not we’re all in very real danger of dying in a nuclear blaze – and more interested in why Young is bothering to do this. It’s bothering me because he’s a) Canadian, b) a genius who should know better and c) flipping and a flopping around, while accusing GWB of doing the same thing. Neil – please write some more songs about praries and moons, and shut the fuck up. The evil hasn’t started fighting itself.
Click here for the full lyrics which were just released today. I think Neil may need to give a freshman girl at UMASS Amherst a co-writing credit. “Stop playing Neil Young at the facist penis parties!”
Little Suki’s Mom could never understand why she got so upset when Uncle Mike came over to babysit. Years later, when Suki learned to speak, Mom got her answer. Loosely translated from the Japanese: “All the damn buggery.”
I just found out Don Lennon is playing tonight at ZuZu’s (The Middle East) in Cambridge. I guess he doesn’t need a place to sleep this trip. I’ll be attending with a few folks if anyone would like to check him out. Read my previous reviews and articles for a refresher, babies.
Update: A photo from last night. Good times, good times.
Doug sent me this photo last night from a couple of Thanksgivings ago. It’s really remarkably good, if of course you know any of the participants. I took a lot of photos this night at Jim’s too – but none of them really captured the moment as well. Shortly prior to Doug’s email, Phil dropped me a line and asked me to help organize… wait for it… my 15 year high school reunion. The 10 year was a blast, so of course I agreed, but jeepers. 15 years. Nostalgia started creeping in a little bit, and I figured I’d say a few words about how I feel turning into the home stretch of this awful anniversary.
Everyone thinks that they know crazy people, or fun people, or maybe that their high school was a little bit nuts. CCHS, from about 88-92, was a special time. By the time we all got to college in 1992, we were bored. There are many people who’ll attest to that fact. We sowed the shit out of our collective oats. School and town officials really started to crack down after then, and it can all be traced back to the video tape of a party at a certain person’s house – who may or may not be typing this right now – which got about 25 kids kicked off of sports teams. Worst part is, the host in question wasn’t even going to the high school at this point. Anyway, it was the beginning of the end of the insanity.
Concord is a very affluent town, and many of our parents had lots of room for vacations, or even summer/winter houses in other states. My point is – every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night – without fail – there was a party. And if there wasn’t a house to haunt, we’d take it outside. Namely “Eden”, “Boonyards” or “The Mayflower”. We got pinched at Eden once, and a friend went to the clink for peeing on the fire after the police told him to put it out. Jeeps full of soldiers with M-16s invaded Boonyards another time, as we’d failed to realize the muddy lot was in fact property of Hanscom Airforce Base. We were resourceful, we had a little money, we all had our own cars – it was a minor delinquency Neverland.
There are a hundred good stories, that we delight in telling to eachother when we all get together – which I can never reveal here. So I’ll keep it general: We so crazy. I have lived in a lot of places, and known a lot of people, but this bunch is a special one and I hope we’re all still in contact on the eve of the 30 year. I know we will be. People say to me sometimes, I can’t believe you still hang out with and keep in touch with all your high school friends. And to them I say – Why the hell not? You grow up with these people. They know you better than anyone. Why would you ever throw all that away because you move half an hour away. Why would you throw that away if you moved to fucking Singapore? I like having good friends. Maybe it’s just me.
“Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” – Stuart Smalley.
A grand total of 2 people have checked in with their new weights so far today, and sadly – one of them was me. I am deadly serious about the Pork Ass Challenge, and anyone who does not get their latest fatbody figures to me by midnight today will be removed. So let’s keep it going and I don’t have time to chase you, lardies. Participant names will be bolded as the results come in.
– Monster >> Current: 270 / Last Week – 272 / Target 255 / Gained 2
– Smash >> Current: 139 / Last Week – 139 / Target 129 / Lost 0
– Pyeman >> Current: 226 / Last Week – 230 / Target 210 / Lost 4
– Greg >> Current: 205 / Last Week – 205 / Target 170 / Lost 0
– DVS >> Current 250 / Last Week – 252 / Target 210 / Lost 2
– Aubz >> Current: 134 / Last Week – 135 /Target 125 / Lost 1
– Ka-Rista >> Current: 159 / Last Week – 160 / Target 140 / Lost 1
– Venditti >> Current: 232 / Last Week – 238 / Target 219 / Lost 6
– Sly >> Current: 216 – Last Week – 218 / Target 205 / Lost 2
– LBN >> Current: 155 / Last Week – 157 / Target 135 – Gained 2
– BDoyle >> Current: 189 – / Last Week – 190 / Target 175 / Lost 1
– AllMusicFan >> Current: 185 – Target 170 – Lost 0
– Brick02 >> Current: 154 / Last Week – 154 / Target 144 – Lost 0
– Piglet >>> Current: 148.5 / Last Week – 151 / Target 135 / Lost 2.5
– Richard >> Current: 180 / Last Week – 185 / Target 170 – Lost 5
Good lord this is more fun than the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Only less Kenyans. Did I have a miserable week? Not really. I ate the cheese off a piece of pizza. Took a run around the Public Gardens and Common. Ate 6 protein bars and a lot more fruit and veggies than normal. I also murdered about a box of green tea. It’s almost fun, as hard as it is to admit. And I’m not having any trouble with my momentum this week. Share your weekly experiences, diet, tips, anecdotes etc. in the comments below. Keep ‘er fuckin’ goin, guys! We can do this.
Before we get started, the second weigh-in of the PITFPAC is tomorrow morning – sharpish! If you lollygag, pussyfoot or otherwise slack on getting me figures, you’ll be culled from the determined flock of 15 and left to wallow in your own porktralesence.
Every year around this time, my beloved Trailer Park Boys begins another series on Showcase in Canada. Through devious and piradacious means, I get to watch them about 12 hours after they premier. I was quite unimpressed with Season 5, and lost a lot of my TPB zeal. You could say I feared they had truly jumped the shark somewhere around the introduction of Conky in Season 4. But I take it all back. Season 6 is killing me thus far. I found this graphic yesterday, someone obviously took the TPB characters and morphed them into South Park cartoons, and I knew it was time to write about the new hotness…
I am just going to bulletpoint a few things that have happened in the first 2 episodes The Way of the Road and The Cheeseburger Picnic. Fans of the show will ‘get it’, and people who haven’t seen it will be so morbidly transfixed by these statements that they’ll be forced to rush out and get the DVDs for Seasons 1-5.
– Bubbles opens a day care center for cats called “KittyLand”. While he is currently working for free, as he owns about 30 of them anyways, he hopes to eventually make some cash caring for other people’s. He’s built a mini amusement park on the front lawn of his shed and it looks ridiculous.
– Julian made $8200 selling potato vodka in jail, and also got his real estate license during his last stint. He buys a run-down trailer from Barb Lahey in episode 1 and now intends to ‘flip’ them for an honest living.
– J-Roc has 2 pregnant “Baby Momma’s” living with him and T-Bone, and is also trying to go legit. No longer stealing groceries or rapping, J-Roc seems to be trying to get in on the whole real estate thing with Julian.
– Ricky and his father Ray have developed a new scheme – stealing garbage. “Once it’s at the curb, it’s garbage“. So naturally they pull a lot of lawn furniture down to the end of people’s driveways when they’re not home and then come back for it later. The garbage strategy is becoming a problem for his reconciliation with Lucy, because “He always smells and bees follow him everywhere“.
– Randy and Mr. Lahey break up. Jim moves in with his ex-wife Barb to sober up, and Randy starts spending a lot of time with two local cops. Lahey mixes iced tea into his rye bottles to appear drunk when he’s really sober, and plans to lull the boys into a false sense of security and then get them out of the park once and for all. Lucy tries to seduce the cops at the park’s first annual Cheeseburger picnic with her hot dog eating techniques, but they seem more interested in Bo-Bandy. Sam Losco also crashes the proceedings.
– Sarah, Corey and Trevor, still dating as a threesome, open a convenience store in a shed in the park. It seems like a good idea, as Bubbles in particular is always going down there for “pop n’ chips“, but everyone’s credit seems to be great at this particular store, and I don’t see it ending well for park commerce.
– Ray gets kicked out of the park for his urine disposal methods. A former trucker, Ray claims that pissing into 2 liter jugs and then throwing them into the tree on his property is simply “The Way of the Road”. Bubbles thinks that “firing pissy jugs into the forest isn’t the way of any fuckin’ road“. Randy and the cops agree, and Ray has to take his detached semi sleeper cab and move to the nearby dump.
I couldn’t make this shit up. Welcome back TPB, and I can’t wait to see the movie this summer. See the hilarious trailer here. BTW – a Saturday afternoon North End Season 6 marathon is forthcoming as soon as I get a few more of them. And you didn’t hear this from me, but you can download them yourselves via torrent here. Stay tuned for an afternoon of rye, chicken fingers and pepperoni very soon…
But they do play the Andy Milonakis Show all day. And it’s brilliant. So I spent 5 minutes trying to learn some more about him. He’s 29, he’s Jimmy Kimmel’s buddy and he has a growth hormone issue which makes him look like he’s 12 years old. Recently he has been dating Desa Crabtree, an aspiring model from Denver,Colorado – so for a fat 30 year old man with a serious medical condition, he’s doing alright. Watch the show if you get a chance – if I had my own TV program, this would be it. Stupid, stupid brilliant humor.
Appetizer: List 3 things you keep putting off.
This is a list that has gotten a whole heck of a lot shorter this very week. I’ll spare you more chatter about the new desk and the bedroom project, but it’s nearly finished and is making me very happy. The new workspace is going to lead to the only major ‘to-do’ that is still really bothering me – sitting down and doing more writing. My blogs are cool and everything, let’s be honest – wicked fucking cool – but they aren’t making me any real money. I have some book ideas I am going to start flushing out. And while we’re at it, I am going to get off my Canadian tush and get Yank citizenship so I can continue to live wherever the wind/liquor takes me, unmolested by either government.
Soup: What do you feel is your greatest responsibility?
I am almost completely devoid of them – which is one of the reasons I have been feeling uncomfortable as of late and whipping a few facets of my life into shape. If there is one thing that breathes down my neck at night, that isn’t Philippino and wasn’t paid $600 for the whole evening, it’s the fact that my parents are likely going to have to sell their new house in the next few years in order to downsize and get closer to civilization for medical reasons. Perhaps to a retirement community – or at least a cheap Motel with an outdoor soda machine. I would love to strike it rich and be able to buy it off them, and then move there permanently, grow my fingernails, write a manifesto and never have to see an Emo ever again. They could live in their trailer on the edge of the property and do really shoddy senior citizen yardwork. But we’d keep Graceland North in the family.
Salad: If you’d starred in any movie, which one would it have been and why?
Office Space. Because everyone seems to think I’m Ron Livingston anyway. Not really – I’d love to be in a Spaghetti Western, or a Rat Pack or Matt Helm movie where they do a song and dance number while Tommy-gunning loads of people to death. Alright, I’ll come clean. I obviously would have made a great Roy Batty.
Main Course: What is a false expectation you had as a kid about being an adult?
That I would eventually become Spiderman.
Dessert: When was the last time you had your car serviced?
I suppose having it picked up by a charity counts as servicing. Maybe? I gave my last automobile to the good of the kids, and save for a time or two I have never missed it. I want one of these so badly, blame my inner-guido and my love of Bullitt I guess, but would probably end up driving it once a month. It would be more useful to get my tits done.
