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Wednesday Wadio: Classified’s ‘Oh… Canada’


in Canadiana, Musical, Wednesday Wadio

“They say hip hop is dead, nah it’s up North with me. I can do this all day cause it’s part of my routine, but suppers almost done and tonight – POUTINE!” – Classified

This was sent to me today by a Canadian friend of mine – as I’ve been way out of the loop for a month and a half down here in Boston – and when I realized what I was about to watch I cringed. Probably visually. A pro-Canada song, by a white rapper from the East coast, just in time for the Winter Olympics… I mean, surely it must suck polar bear sack, right?

Classified’s tribute to Canada… Kinda fuckin’ rules, buddy.

I love the fact that he’s not standing around with a bunch of black guys and wearing a ton of tacky jewellery for “street cred”. I love the fact that he only mentions pot to remind the rest of the world that it’s legal. I love his line referencing “90’s hip hop” and subsequently the song sounds a heck of a lot like just that. He doesn’t refute the stereotypes – he embraces them. Was that Mr. Lahey? Did he just give SCTV a shout out? What the frig is this?

Anybody else think maybe Maestro Fresh Wes, Snow or the Swollen Members are feeling a little left out right now? This kid is good and I’m going to hit the nearest record store (wink) and get myself acclimated. It’s probably, like, my friggin’ duty or something too, eh?

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NHL10 – How Do I Love Thee…


in Nerdery, Sporty, Video Games

… Let me count the ways. Much to my sister and her boyfriend’s chagrin I brought my PS3 down from Canada with me and have been thoroughly enjoying it most nights after we all return to the Charlestown house from our respective jobs. Sometimes I can get it to function as a media center, wirelessly streaming the many movies I have on my laptop and playing them through the gaming console. It’s quite cool. But more often than not it skips too much to be watchable… so a gaming console it tends to remain. On these occasions there tends to be heated discussion on who gets to do what, but if I have to sit through the Real Housewives of Orange County a couple times a week, Janet and Damo can surely suffer my ongoing rivalry with the Portland Pirates a time or two.

The reason I brought the Playstation 3 with me is because, well, I’ve loved video games since the first time I ever played one, probably 32 years ago. To say I was an early adopter would be a major understatement. I was playing Adventure on a terminal my Dad had hooked up to a 7-foot-tall mainframe in his workshop at the age of 4. I remember a campground in the very early 80’s that had an arcade with Space Invaders, Defender, Sub Hunt and a few other pioneering hunks of fun. My friend Oliver wins the prize for the first home system I ever played, which was a combination of pong and a light gun target game with abysmal accuracy. The Atari 2600 and Commodore Vic 20 came along soon afterwards and pretty soon my obsession turned to Pitfall and the text adventure games of Scott Adams, The Count being my favorite, even though I never managed to finish it.

Fast-forward another year and I was writing my own games on my Vic using basic and well… you get the point. Considering the era in which I grew up, and who my father and Uncle were, I think that if I didn’t still have any affinity for video games – there’d be something far more wrong with me. That’s what I keep telling myself each morning when I wake up next to two Boston Terriers, at any rate.

Time has marched on mercilessly, as it does, and my current pixelly fascination is the latest version of Electronic Art’s juggernaut, NHL 2010, or NHL10 as it’s been branded. 16 years ago I beat every kid in Mills Hall at the University of Guelph in an NHL ‘92 tournament that someone set up. We chose to use 92 as opposed to 93 or 94 because more kids were familiar with it and I went through my competitors like… I should probably wrap this post up about now while I still might sleep with a woman again someday. My point is, I have a long history with the franchise.

Marco and I enthusiastically trying out the new first-person fighting feature the day of the game’s release back in September 2009.

So this post isn’t a complete informational bust for folks who may have found it via a search engine, here are my favorite bits from NHL10 – all of which have to do with the new “Be a Pro” mode.

  • In “Be a Pro” mode you start on an AHL team (currently the Providence Bruins for me) and have to prove yourself in order to make it up to the show.
  • At the conclusion of every shift your coach provides bullet points in a popup window of what you did well and what you need to work on. “Good positioning out there. Keep firing them at the net. You picked a good time to start a fight and get the team’s energy up but you have to hold your own.”
  • Speaking of fighting, it’s in first-person perspective for the first time ever and it’s a heck of a lot of fun. I’m getting better, and win the odd fight, but it’s been hard to master thus far.
  • I love the fact that if you set the style to “Authentic” if you’re in the penalty box, or even just resting on the bench, your viewpoint switches to first-person and you have to turn your head back and forth to keep your eye on the action like you’re at Wimbleton.

A super game, and well done to Electronic Arts. Who else has played it? With the strength of EA’s offering this year, is it even worth renting the competition’s 2K10? Sound off, my hockey nerds of the evening. I know you’re out there.

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Wednesday Wadio: Florence + the Machine’s ‘You’ve Got the Love’


in Musical, Television, Wednesday Wadio

Florence and the Machine's Lovely Bottom As the credits rolled and the highlight reel spun at the conclusion of Friday’s 10th and final series of the UK’s Celebrity Big Brother, a song which played overtop really, really caught my attention. After some research that song turned out to be Florence + the Machine’s You’ve got the Love, as I’m sure you’ve already surmised. I have enjoyed BB and CBB (The Davina McCall created Channel 4 versions only) for at least half of the decade during which they’ve helped define British television and the moment was a sad one for me. Perhaps that’s why I was susceptible to this particular ditty, but susceptible I was. Nearly a week later I am still so enamoured that, in the first instalment of Wadio since early August, I’d like to share.

A quick note to my readers who don’t usually share my taste in music – do yourself a favor and watch the video anyway, as Florence has a truly breathtaking hiney. If spectacular buttocks are what it takes to convert a new F+TM fan, then so be it. She put them on full display for a reason.

Florence has the love. And a legendary rump.

“I want my music to sound like throwing yourself out of a tree, or off a tall building, or as if you’re being sucked down into the ocean and you can’t breathe,” – Florence Welch.

florence-youve-got-the-love-ass-video-bum Florence says she writes her best music when drunk or hungover because that’s when she finds herself “most lucid”. As she’s from South London, I’m sure there were lots of opportunities to be lucid whilst growing up. The “+ the Machine” half of her stage name stems from the fact she’s backed by a revolving door of musicians and DJs, the focus remaining on her alone. Likely as a result the music press frequently compare her to Kate Bush. Regardless of how she got here, Miss Welch is making a huge dent on the music scene and I’m glad I finally noticed the bandwagon careening past. Did I mention how absolutely enraptured I am with her hindquarters?

There’s also a great “Live from Ibiza” version fans of the song should check out. Her stage presence is impressive. As this year’s 3rd place CBB winner, the almighty Vinnie Jones, was prone to say in the house: “It’s been emotional”. So, yeah, my initial reaction to the tune was inspired by a bit of sad melancholy – but the song fits the mood. Praise and thanks be to Davina and Florence.

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And the Boston Accent Award Goes to…


in Boston, Movies

One of the reasons I thoroughly enjoyed watching Mel Gibson’s new flick, Edge of Darkness, last night was that his Boston accent is frickin’ impeccable, dood. I mean it – you’d think he grew up on East Broadway as opposed to Sydney, Australia. I for one am glad the Gibber is back after a 7.5 year acting respite which was undoubtedly due to his drink-driving and comments about the chosen people. Talk about a bad night out. Badmouthing Jews in Hollywood will end your acting career quicker than stink-palming one of the Weinsteins.

martin-sheen-accent-departed The fact that Boston has been a hot movie location for the last few years can not be debated. There are many more Beantown-based flicks in the pipeline, too. That’s probably a separate post but I think we can breakdown the whole accent topic a bit further this evening. There have been some good Boston accents lately – Mel Gibson, Ed Harris (Gone Baby Gone), Alec Baldwin (The Departed). There have been some abysmal Boston accents lately – Tim Robbins (Mystic River), Cameron Diaz (Knight and Day… I’ve seen the trailer. Brutal), and the golden statue for worst Boston Accent evah in a feckin’ film goes to… Martin Sheen (The Departed). By a country mile, bruthah!

Affleck and Dicky school some high falootin’ Hollywood prick.

Am I wrong? What good or pathetic Boston accent attempts can you remember? And if anyone mentions Ben, Matt or anyone with the last name Wahlberg I’m gonna have your head examined for being a frickin’ retaaard.

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Back in (a) Black (Charger)


in Friday's Quizzlet

During my aforementioned blogging hiatus a lot of things happened. It was an eventful sabbatical. A busy vaporization. One of the most traumatic events was the destruction of my beloved gun metal grey 2007 Dodge Charger. Here’s what happened. You’ve driven me to it (no pun intended) and I’m tired of answering the question.

It was a rainy, foggy Halloween night. I had just won first prize at The Cove for my awesome Predator costume and was driving home around 11pm. The elements, speed and playing with an iPod may or may not all have been a factor – but remember, you can’t believe everything you read on the internet. I wasn’t hurt, I drove home and upon a quick inspection in the dark the damage didn’t look that bad.

Sexual-Predator Behold – the “Sexual Predator” 

When I reported the accident 2 days later, after learning the insurance company wanted to settle, I got a ‘$100 failure to report an accident’ ticket. The whole affair was probably a blessing in disguise. Albeit beloved the vehicle was a deathtrap and nearly useless in the snow. She has been replaced by a black 2009 model with all wheel drive which I was lucky to find in Ottawa as they aren’t made in Canada. I really wanted another Charger but wasn’t going to get one without AWD.

Based on the existing GPS setup and the phone numbers saved in the hands-free, I was able to deduce the vehicle’s first (and extremely brief) owner lived on Causeway Street only 2 blocks from my old apartment in the North End. How it ended up in Ontario is anybody’s guess, but I’m guessing drug-related confiscation. Sometimes drugs are good.

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Thursday Throwback: Better Off With Barack?


in Politics, Thursday Throwback

meghan-mccain-drunk I’m delving back in time about a year with this pre-election post on why I had serious reservations on what I was fairly sure was the eve of Barack Obama’s election to the Presidency of the United States. I’d sincerely like to open this debate to the general public – especially since I’m rebooting my blogging after the longest hiatus since 2004, and this is just the sort of incendiary topic which attracts eyeballs quicker than Meghan McCain’s sweater gremlins. I have friends on both sides of the aisle, and so far the line-towing opinions I’ve heard over and over run as follows:

The Bible-Toting, Wife-Beating and Racist Rightys

  • “Obama hasn’t done anything he said he would. ‘Change’ my ass.”
  • “The healthcare bill has been a useless, divisive distraction.”
  • “The stimulus package isn’t working. Neither am I, by the way.”
  • “The events of Christmas prove there’s a lack of focus on national security.”
  • “Shhh! They have more than enough rope and are hanging themselves.”
  • “Yes I want to see Avatar but apparently it’s Communist propaganda.”

The Delusional Moonbats of the Looney Left

  • “It will take longer than one year to clean up the mistakes of the last 8.”
  • “The stimulus package is too working.”
  • “They don’t give the Nobel Peace Prize to just anyone.”
  • “I know in my heart he still wants to bring the troops home.”
  • “I always wear tight jeans while I drink my latte. You know this.”

As I said in today’s choice of Thursday Throwback, I want Obama to succeed because his failures are America’s failures and, despite my reservations from 2008, there’d be no “I told you so” joy in that for me. I’d like to add to these two lists of sound bites from comments which people may or may not leave in the comments. So please craft them as such – short and powerful bullet-points.

Pump-Up-The-Volume-harry-hardonAgain, it’s very good to be back. In the words of the immortal Harry Hardon: “Are you out there? You listening?” Sound off. Defend or criticize our 44th president the way in which you’re lucky enough to be able to do in this country. I promise I’ll get back to the dead hooker jokes tomorrow.

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Thou Shalt Not Herniate


in Nerdery

When looking at the specs for the new Apple iPad today, the first words to pop into my head were, “Holy Moses, that thing looks big.” The first image that popped into my head also had a lot to do with Moses. Uncanny, that. I whipped up a quick Photoshop (or Fireworks if we’re splitting hairs) for my coworkers and I thought I’d share it here.

Moses with an iPad

“Let my people synch with Outlook!”

Aren’t I just the silliest goose? I have trouble envisioning even big goons like me carting them around – but Apple rarely gets it wrong. Glad to be back, by the way. If you’ll have me.

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This Pulp Fiction Sound Effect Mashup is Breaking my Concentration


in Endorsements, Movies

I never thought I’d find a YouTube audio/video mashup that amused me to the extent of my beloved Snatch Wars, but I was way wrong. Watch this little gem and marvel over the amount of time, patience and creativity that went into this. If you know anything about its creator or inception – please share.

Amazing Pulp Fiction Audio Mashup

Are you as impressed as I am right now? Do you have a favorite movie mashup we might not have seen? Do tell, motherfucker.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: A Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue


in Friday's Quizzlet

Fancy another reader-generated Quizzlet for all of us to answer? I certainly do. I’m going to Tweet and Facebook this request as well, so there’s no escape for any of you. Please post any silly or serious questions (in the comments below) that you’d like to hear answered by your friendly neighborhood narcissistic prick – namely, me. We need a grand total of 5. Update: OK, we got there.

Appetizer: Who’s the douchiest celeb in Hollywood (besides Kanye)? – Dana G.

joe-francis-paris-hilton-tit I’m glad you added that clarification, Dana, because I definitely would have gone after that ridiculous pinhead if you hadn’t. The word “celebrity” is a strong word to use when describing this guy, but the award has to go to Girls Gone Wild creator, Joe Francis. How he has managed to end up bedding celebutantes the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton on the strength of simply videotaping drunken, barely legal females on Spring Break is a mystery to us all. Couple that fact with the jail time he’s done as a result of his paparazzi-pornographer status, and the recent charges against him for… everything under the sun… and he definitely wins today’s PITF award for being an outstanding douchebiscuit. Or maybe I’m just a little jealous.

Soup: Will the Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 remake merely disappoint the loyal following of the House of Freddy? – Angie F.

fat-kid-sandlot I’m really happy about Jackie Earle Haley being cast as the new Freddy Krueger because he’s perfect (in his own creepy way) and without a solid Fred the film would die on the vine without a doubt. Meyers and Voorhees, both of whom have had their franchises more or less successfully resuscitated over the past year, are very different entities. They don’t talk. They wear masks so there aren’t even facial expressions to consider. Notice, pursue, kill. They might as well be mindless robots, so their 2009 versions weren’t all that critical to the success or failure of the new Friday the 13th or Halloween movies. Freddy on the other hand obviously speaks and was always played by Robert Englund as full of sadistic personality with a strong dose of wicked humor. In my opinion, on the “evil scale” Freddy made Jason and Michael Myers look like the red-headed fat kid from The Sandlot. The actor is therefore crucial in this case and Haley is ideal. Admittedly it will be hard for me to picture Kelly from Bad News Bears as a re-animated child murderer with 100% of his body covered in 18th degree burns. But he was nominated for an Oscar in 2007, so stranger things have happened.

Salad: If you could be just one player from a sport or an athletic team, who would it be and why? – Kat

I haven’t been following any sport recently, except maybe hockey, with the zeal I once did, but I’ve always had a soft spot for Larry Bird. Maybe it’s because we share a birthday. Perhaps it’s because I was absolutely basketball-obsessed as a kid in the 80s. Maybe it’s because he’s from a town called French Lick and hearing that phrase invariably gives me a naughty pause for thought. My point is – I simply don’t know why it’s Bird. But it’s Bird.

Main Course: What wedding song should be banned forever (besides Lady in Red)? – Seany Mac

How about that “Butterfly Kisses” song? If I were to hear it at a wedding in the Ozark Mountains, and the bride was in possession of three teeth, I’d think to myself, “Fair enough. When in Rome.” But when I hear it at the wedding of someone I went to high school with it makes me want to grab the DJ’s mic like they were Taylor Swift and then stop the insanity.

Dessert: Over half a year in, have your feelings towards Barack Obama changed at all, and if so – exactly how? – Matt H.

For those of you who don’t remember I wrote a long, thought out piece last year about why I didn’t feel Obama was fit for the Presidency and the specific reasons as to why. That’s not to say I didn’t think he’d ever be ready – quite the opposite. In many ways he was already very qualified. If good looks and a talent for public speaking were the major responsible prerequisites for the insanely important position he’d have had my vote. But it isn’t and he didn’t. Unfortunately, if you were to ask 90% of people back then why they were planning to vote for Obama they’d have said, “He’s well-spoken.” If you doubt me on that then your memory is a wee bit selective. I still feel that his election was premature, he had precious little tangible experience and his campaign had an incredibly advanced grasp of the power of social media and the internet in general. That having been said, I’ve since warmed up to him. He’s been tough on troublesome international leaders like Putin and Chavez. He has brass balls. He’s a remarkably cool and composed dude – at all times. If he fails to achieve an 8-year term it will be as a direct result of his healthcare stance and he must tread very carefully over the next few months. Socialized healthcare sucks, and I’m speaking with more experience than any person should have. Sorry – I think I must have hit my head there or something. Back to the dick jokes…

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Health Kick in the Ass


in Health

I’m on one. And it’s a powerful incarnation. Not like health kicks from years past which fell by the wayside like so many dead prostitutes. I’m talking about the health kick of a 35-year-old man who has been forced to grow up a lot in the last 5 years and is missing that ever-important element of adulthood – namely, giving a sweet tweet about whether or not they’re due to drop dead from a heart attack or other unfortunate ailment anytime soon.

I am drinking alcohol in extreme moderation. Using milk in my coffee instead of cream. Not snacking after dinner. Walking my dogs instead of simply letting them outside. Investing in an elliptical to use over the winter. The offices my company moved into this very day come with a membership to their gym. I went to Bruegger’s Bagels for a snack this afternoon and came out with a fruit salad. A fucking fruit salad. That previously repulsive collection of melon, pineapple and grapes was the tipping point for me. I realized this time my “body is a temple” bullshit might not be more pathetic shit – but rather a core paradigm shift. A sea change.

I live in hope that is what this is. As do my children and their ancestors – all of whom have yet to be born. You have poor souls like Swayze who stay uber-fit their entire lives only to fall victim prematurely to a bastard of a disease like pancreatic cancer. Then there are Cheetos-eating clowns like me who lean over the railing and constantly flip-off the Grim Reaper like they’re some kind of invincible. I’m not. My parents weren’t. Not even Dalton from Road House was.

I’m shaping up in just about every way I can think of.

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