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Animalistic

Dave Goes To The Dogs.


in Animalistic, Canadiana

I love the Boss. If you know me, you know that. I have been stone cold cat crazy for the last 33 years. But that was by default – my father despises dogs and we were never allowed to have one. After a lot of careful consideration, I have decided to get my own dog. For the first time. It’s a big step. I am a little nervous, but I have made the call and it’s happening. Here are some of my reasons for this canine 180.

– All my friends who own dogs have told me that in order to train, raise and mold a dog with a good personality, you must be able to spend a lot of time with it. I work from home. Perfect.

– Many friends have been concerned because Boston Terriers are known for having health issues – particularly flatulence, heart ailments and breathing. I have discovered that purebred Terriers are usually devoid of the congenital defects, and the flatulence depends completely on diet and can be easily remedied.

– My mother won’t stop reminding me that I have to walk the dog at least 3 times a day, like I’m retarded or something. I will welcome the new structure in my life – especially, again, because I work from home.

Those are the big points I have been mulling. I am very excited at the prospect of having a pet that doesn’t sleep all day. I will be able to take it everywhere with me in the car. It will do tricks. It will protect my house. It will go for runs with me. I am thrilled.

I’d like to mention once more that I have given this a tremendous amount of thought and am definitely not entering into dog ownership lightly. To further hammer this point home, I’m happy to point out that I have found a professional breeder whom I trust and have forwarded all the emails we have exchanged (I ask a lot of questions) to two friends of mine who are very well versed on the subject of dogs (thank you Amy and Rachelle).

I’ve also seen photos of the parents – click here to meet the lovely Pixie Rose and Oscar – and am going to the breeder’s next week to meet the humans involved and the mom and dad to be. My puppy will be born in late December and I’ll be picking up little Shepherd Pye in February. Although he’ll be no feline, I will continue the Pye pet naming convention.

And in case you’re wondering, Boss is very alive, very well and I love him very much. He’s got a good 5 years left in him and I plan to treat him like a little prince until he draws his last breath. It’s just that… circumstances have led me to live in the woods – and it’s doggie time.

Wow. Boss is gonna be so pissed come February.

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Sneezes Of The Cats.


in Animalistic

I took Boss to the vet last Thursday to update his papers for a smooth border crossing at the end of the month. He got a rabies shot in the haunch, and some pink distemper liquid right up his snout. He shook it off pretty quickly and that was the end of it. The vet said he’d probably sneeze a bit for the rest of the day, but he didn’t. I figured that was the end of it.

He’s been sneezing non stop since Monday night. At first it was funny. He’d look off into space as the sneeze came on, open his mouth a little bit and then snap his head forward with a loud “PPHHFFFFT!” But the novelty has passed, and I’m getting worried. I have narrowed it down to two possible causes:

1. He is reacting to the fact we’ve started opening our windows. Something that is floating in on the wind is getting to him. Pollen? The new daschund puppy who moved in across the way? I don’t know.

2. He is a reincarnation of one of the many women who have Heismanned me over the years, and is now claiming she can’t visit anymore because she’s allergic to… herself.

Oh come on, Boss. If it makes you so uncomfortable that I keep the pattern for a human skin suit tacked to my bedroom wall, then just say so. Don’t use the goddamn cat hair excuse again.

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There’s Still Hope For Me Yet.


in Animalistic

“The survey showed that 85 percent of men, and 94 percent of women, don’t think it’s wimpy or needy for a man to love his cat.”

Yes… but are they heterosexual? Because I think that’s where my problem begins.

“Three-quarters of male respondents say their cats fulfill their cuddle requirements, and single men are also almost as likely as single women to consider choosing their cat over their partner.”

Choosing them for what, exactly? Anal? Forget I mentioned this article please. And that I have a cat.

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Boss Keeps Puking In Betsy’s Shoes.


in Animalistic

I met my new roomates, Mardi and Betsy, for drinks at Tiernans last night. Where they then proceeded to tell me an interesting story about my cat, Boss.

Choosing new roomates is a very stressful process, to say the least. Luckily, apartments in the North End of Boston are in high demand – so there’s never any shortage of willing candidates. But once they’re in you want to be as hospitable as possible, for a while anyway, as they settle in and get used to everything. This is made infinitely more difficult, however, if your pet frequently vomits in their room.

I’m going to keep this piece about my cat short, as I would actually like to sleep with a woman again some day. But I’ll say this. Boss has puked in Betsy’s shoes. Twice. Maybe this is a sign of affection in the cat kingdom. But I feed him, and he’s never done it to me. He’s actually in her room right now, perhaps waiting for her to come home and take of her shoes.

When I visited South Africa in 97, we were encouraged by our host to always check our shoes for scorpions before we slid our feet into them. But this… this is on a whole ‘nother level.

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