Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

Friday’s Quizzlet: Kryptonite Beehives.


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: Name 3 people whom you admire for their intelligence.
The Hanson brothers. Mmmmmbop? Try evil geniuses… bop. Notice how you never see the three of them and Al Zarqawi in the same room? I rest my case. And I like those Trivial Pursuit guys, too.

Soup: What’s the last food you tried that you really didn’t care for.
Tombeno made me try a bite of this ridiculously huge lobster when we were in Montreal. I wanted to be a good sport (he was so excited). I wanted to be open-minded and adventurous. But I ended up retching and gagging as soon as my teeth sank into the minging, fishy mess. What is it about seafood that people love so much? Please explain this to me. If I were frigging shipwrecked, I’d still be wandering around the island looking for a burger or chicken fingers off the children’s menu.

Salad: If you could rename your street, what would it to be called?
Pyeton Place. With less beehives. Okay, you got me. More beehives.

Main Course: When was the last time you were genuinely surprised?
At my inability to write anything funny today. IPA is my kryptonite, apparently.

Dessert: Share a household tip.
Mold always grows on the lower windowsills of my building in the North End. Said sills also happen to be my bedroom. Now… whether this is due to the proximity to street level, or my Dahmeresque disposal methods, is beside the point. Regardless, Clorox bleach kills mold dead.

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The Top 3 Of The First 48.


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Perhaps you’d like to listen to me blather on about A&E’s The First 48 a little more? Fantastic then. As I’ve already mentioned, it’s basically CSI in the real world – cameras follow around seasoned homicide detectives as they bag dead guys literally, and then bag bad guys figuratively. I can’t get enough of it, and as I devour episode after episode On Demand as I try and get to sleep each night, I’ve slowly become sort of an authority on murder best practices. I’m going to condense a few time saving tips I’ve collected should you be contemplating the premeditated slaughter of another human being. Whatever I can do to help.

1. Try and stick to the prostitutes. The majority of the unsolved murders seem to be unfortunate streetwalkers whose families just assume they’ve been croaked anyway. “You found her dead in a ditch? That’s too bad, because her father and I always dreamed she’d end up decapitated and stuffed in a footlocker.”

2. Burn that shit. I mean seriously. When these cops find a corpse that’s been torched, they don’t know where to begin. No fingerprints, no DNA no driver’s license, no dice.

3. If you have an accomplice, be sure to kill them too. Maybe not right away, but do your best to get around to it. They’ll get arrested for something else and no matter how insignificant the charge (think jaywalking) they’ll flip on you for the previous murder. Like a flapjack.

I could continue, but I don’t want to be perceived someone who is sick, deranged and potentially dangerous. I am only trying to help those who truly are – get a leg up. Even if that leg used to be attached to a sex worker.

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Wednesday Wadio: 99 Problems / Scarlet Begonias.


in Wednesday Wadio

“Bastard pop is a musical genre which, in its purest form, consists of the combination (usually by digital means) of the music from one song with the acapella from another. Typically, the music and vocals belong to completely different genres. At their best, bastard pop songs strive for musical epiphanies that add up to considerably more than the sum of their parts.”

I’ve heard several of these so called Jay-Z “mashups” – Jigga meets The Beatles, J-Hova meets Linkin Park, etc. – but the best so far has been Zigga Jizzy Ho-Ho coming face to face with the Grateful Dead in the 13 song album “Jay-Z’s Dead”. The potential for patchouli and bling jokes here is so tremendous that I’m left speechless, but have a listen on Radio Pye and see if you’re struck with the sudden urge to bust a cap whilst playing hackey sack.

The meld of Scarlet Begonias and 99 Problems is my favorite tune, but other notables include Dirt Off Your Shoulders/Friend Of The Devil and December 4th/Dark Star. I’m not a huge Jigga fan and I’m only beginning to dip my toe in the Dead after years of violent resistance, but I think these conglomerations are extremely cool and I can’t wait to see what they come up with next as more and more underground DJs get into the ‘mix’. Hah, you see what I did there?

Have a look here for more examples – including KRS One vs. S Club 7, Jet vs. Christina Aquilera and Eminem vs. a slew of popular T.V. themes. Meanwhile, I’ll be here in my apartment making a 3-foot Hennessy bong.

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Sometimes, I Wish I Was Ted Kaczynski.


in

You know what I’m talking about. Living in a desolate cabin in the woods sans electricity or running water. Screaming at chirpy squirrels whilst dropping grumpys in a rusty bucket. Shooting rock salt out of a World War I era shotgun at anyone who gets within 25 feet of my humming hovel. Peace, quiet and exceptional filth.

“It was this lifestyle and the actual cabin that his attorneys would use to try to call his sanity into question during his trial. It was a defense strategy that Kaczynski said naturally greatly offended him.”

Offend away – because while I fully realize I have been truly blessed with a great many friends, this summer is running me ragged. And it’s only going to get more hectical. Weddings, bachelor parties, trips up North… pretty soon I’ll be living in the aforementioned cabin because I’ve spent all my money on nickel-plated cocktail blenders, hotel rooms and plane tickets – and not because I decided to “drop-out” of proper society or corrode conformity. Either way, I’d best get used to the idea.

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