Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

Blogger Gets Their Shit Together.


in Pye in the Face

Blogger has finally developed a better way for people to post comments – and in doing so has rendered the hack I installed last month for the same purpose completely inoperable. I’ll have to make some changes to my template code over the weekend to get comment functionality back up and running, but it’s good to see they’ve finally started developing the application again. Here’s hoping category tags are right around the corner!

In the meantime, keep your silly thoughts to yourself. Or save up a bunch of them and just ejaculate all over the site Monday morning. Actually, on second thought don’t do anything remotely akin to ejaculating anywhere near me. Thank you.

UPDATE: All fixed! Comment away! (That means you, P-Cips. And yes, you’re a geek.)

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Trailer Park Baby New Year.


in Heartwarming

My father sent me these photos a couple of weeks ago. I chuckled, shook my head and then vowed I’d never show them to a soul – for fear that such strange nuances of my ancestral lineage may one day exclude me from public office. Now that I think about it though, I’ve pretty much ensured as much all by my lonesome. Still, I figured I’d keep the snaps to myself for fear of embarassing the old man in public. You can see why for yourselves…

The photos were entitled “babynewyear.jpg” so I can only assume the stories I’ve heard about my Dad being the Trailer Park’s resident Foster Brooks are true. Gordo is basically the wind-up entertainment for this portable Floridian community. Kudos to him for enjoying his retirement, however disturbing it may be to the rest of his kin. He makes a superb baby new year, and it looks as though there was at least one costume change involved as well.

But then I got word that he had actually been checking the blog on a regular basis, and was miffed that he had yet to be featured! The old man reads my site? Jesus, that changes everything. Actually, we’re talking about Gord here. I don’t need to change a thing. And since we’re on the topic, I’ll share my favorite exchange with him from last summer:

“Hey Dad – I didn’t know you liked Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”
“Well, actually I enjoy a nice bottle of it every night while I watch the sunset.”
“You know what it is, right?”
“What?”
“Malt liquor for chicks.”
“Fuck off.”

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Please Excuse My Pubes.


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: What do you want for Valentine’s Day?
Receiving something on Valentine’s Day means that you have a significant other. Which I do not. Nor am I particularly shopping around at the moment. Sorry ladies, but you’ll have to get your daily dose of indifference elsewhere. I can, however, always count on a Valentine’s card from my Mother. I believe she may be trying to creep me out enough so I’ll get married. It’s working.

Soup: If you could change the color of something you own, what would it be?
I’d love to change my white leather couches back to white again. They’re comfortable and I love them, but they’ve been through the wars. Many scuffs, stains and general wear and tear have left them looking like giant eclairs covered in ants. Like gym socks stuffed with tennis balls and then rolled in jimmies. Like rolls of toilet paper stamped on by boots covered in nutella. Like a single section of a pan flute, increased 300 times by some sort of raygun and then hacked at with a shovel. You know what I’m talking about.

Salad: What’s your favorite day of the week and why?
Friday – hands down. Around 3 p.m. I get the angel and devil duking it out on opposite shoulders. The angel knows that if I go straight home after work and behave, the weekend will be productive and relatively inexpensive. The devil likes to remind me that although I’ll wind up broke, sleep all day and possibly wet myself – I’ll have a damn good time doing it. I recently paid for the angel to attend debate classes, and it’s the best money I ever spent. You’ll find me tonight, for example, playing video games or watching Tivo’d episodes of CSI. That sounds pretty pathetic to the casual observer, but believe me – I’ve lived a wonderful, wild life thus far and I’ve decided to start picking my battles more carefully. So be sure to come see me next weekend when the angel will be away visiting relatives in the outfield.

Main Course: What excuse do you use most often?
My father was always after me about the importance of not making lame justifications for things. Some of my friends still impersonate him by saying: “You know what those are David? Those are excuses!” He was relentless, and to this day I know intrinsically when I myself am about to make one, and the lame excuses of others stick out like sore thumbs and drive me mad. “I’m tired”. “I’ve been really busy”. And then there’s the catch-all that the British use: “I can’t be asked”. I can honestly say that a make a bare minimum of excuses for myself, and I certainly don’t have one that I use most often. Except that particularly effective one involving pubic lice.

Dessert: Name something or someone you feel sorry for.
I hate to patronize people, as I’m no bargain myself. I guess the easiest answer would be victims of the recent Tsunami in Asia. They never stood a chance, they never saw it coming and they certainly didn’t deserve it. That was some biblical shit, man. Oh, and Jan Michael Vincent.

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Quite Possibly The Greatest Quote Ever.


in

Pound for pound, Winston Churchill can lay claim to the best collection of soundbytes in human history. But here’s a little gem I’ve had hanging over my desk for the better part of a month. It really tugged at my regret-strings when I accidentally read it while perusing Rob Riggle‘s website (he’s my favorite new SNL castmember who also happens to be a decorated Marine,) and I wanted to share it with you. Translation: another busy day here at work with little time for blogduggery.

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, ‘Press on,’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”

– Calvin Coolidge

I really do read this every morning before sifting through 172 emails whilst murdering a sweet cheese croissant. That actually sounds like a boxer’s nickname. “No one reminds me more of a young Joe Louis than relative newcomer, Sweet Cheese Johnson”. Anyway, I hope you got something out of it. More toilet humor/less quotes from dead Presidents tomorrow. Promise. “Sweet Cheese! Hit him where it hurts!”

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Why, It’s Silly Kitty Photo Day!


in

There’s a small percentage of my readership who appreciates gratuitous animal photos. They’re also probably the same segment who enjoyed all the baby photos from last week and are also chicks. Since I’m too busy today to write anything noteworthy, and as a sort of antidote to all of the breast jokes from the Mardi Gras Party piece, I give you Silly Kitty Photo Day! And probably a violent bout of nausea.

First, I offer up photographic evidence to support the popular conspiracy theory that James Earl Ray did not act alone. I’m also simultaneously supporting the probability of me getting stabbed to death behind a liquor store in Mattapan.

And finally a police photo documenting the sad reality of the Iams/Purina cocktail – or ‘speedball’ as it’s known around the scratching post. The real tragedy is, this victim was only 4 weeks old! Awareness begins at home beside the litterbox.

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