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Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

Just Desserts. Karma. Justice.


in Politics

Sent to me this afternoon by my Mother. I don’t normally reprint silly forwards, but as I’d been meaning to comment on this topic… Well, I don’t want to give away the punchline:

“In a few short days, an African American man will move from his private residence into a much larger and infinitely more expensive one owned not by him but by the taxpayers. A vast lawn, a perimeter fence and many well trained security specialists will insulate him from the rest of us but the mere fact that this man will be residing in this house should make us all stop and count or blessings – because it proves that we live in a nation where anything is possible.

Many believed this day would never come. Most of us hoped and prayed that it would, but few of us actually believed we would live to see it. Racism is an ugly thing in all of it’s forms and there is little doubt that if this man had moved into this house fifteen years ago, there would have been a great outcry – possibly even rioting in the streets.
Today, we can all be both grateful and proud that no such mayhem will take place.when this man takes up residency in this house.

This man, moving into this house at this time in our nation’s history is much more than a simple change of addresses for him – it is proof of a change in our attitude as a nation. It is an amends of sorts – the righting of a great wrong. It is a symbol of our growth, and of our willingness to “judge a man, not by the color of his skin but by the content of his character”.

There can be little doubt now that the vast majority of us truly believe that this man has earned both his place in history and his new address.

His time in this house will not be easy – it will be fraught with danger and he will face many challenges. I am sure there will be ma ny times when he asks himself how in the world he ended up here and like all who have gone before him, the experience will age him greatly.
But I for one will not waste an ounce of worry for his sake – because in every way a man can, he asked for this.

His whole life for the past fifteen years appears to have been inexorably leading this man toward this house. It is highly probable that that in the past, despite all of his actions, racism would have kept this man out of this house. Today, I thank the lord above that I am an American and that I live in a nation where wrongs are righted, where justice matters and where truly anything is possible.

Who is this man? You ask. You think you know, don’t you? See below.”

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“Judge, in my defense I’d like to say: Did you just call me a ni…?!”

There have been few moments in my life when I have been as outraged and disgusted as I was on the day when O.J. Simpson was set free for the murders of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown. I was watching the big screen at the University of Guelph’s now defunct Boo Sports Bar as the entire place erupted into cheers at the “not guilty“ verdict. I hope that in 15 years of hindsight the revelers on that day have reconsidered. Me? I’m fucking thrilled. Rot in hell, Juice and ’95 jury.

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Say Goodnight to the Bad Guys


in Television

There are no words. I will let Clattenburg do the talking and ruminate further in a future post.

“Over the past few months there has been a lot of discussion among our fans and those in the media about the future of Trailer Park Boys. Will there be another season, another special, another movie? The last thing we want to do is keep our loyal fans in the dark about the show we have all loved doing for the past eight years, so we’d like now to shed some light.

We have a final one hour television special, Say Goodnight To The Bad Guys, which goes to air on Showcase on Sunday, December 7, 2008. Then after that, our sequel movie, Countdown To Liquor Day (working title), is due to be released in Canadian theatres in October, 2009.

But, after that, there will be no more. Yes, it’s the end of Trailer Park Boys. Our fans have been so supportive and inspiring that we wanted you to be the first to know. Much love and thanks from all of us at Sunnyvale Trailer Park.”


“I love all creatures. Like gophers and deerts, and all those flying things and everything else – but seagulls i got no time for those cocksuckers.”

It’s going to be tough going without you boys, but I’ll manage. Somehow, I’ll have to manage. Raising a glass of Jiffy Wine to you, sirs.

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Operation: Basement – The Beginning


in Canadiana

Our basement situation is rare in that because we have a lawn which slopes down towards the lake, said cellar has 4 windows overlooking… a lake. A lake view is not normally something you hear associated with cellars, is my point. It screamed out to be “finished”. Now that the garage loft renovation is pretty much completed, my attention has settled on my rec room. My man room. My rectacular basement man place thingy. My bomb cellar for nerds. Yes, kids – Operation: Basement has officially begun.

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Spencer reminds me very much of a young Jack Nicholson.
“I’m the kinda guy likes to know who’s buying his stain, Lloyd.”

Even as I type this I hear my project lead, Spencer, sanding away on the glued together slats of raw pine which will eventually be stained and used to cover the beams, posts and create molding/wainscotting. There are two tall stacks of boxes in the center of the 600 square foot room. One is full of ceiling tile and one is full of dark oak style laminate flooring. The floor has been taped off to mark where the lake rock bar will be so that we can safely install the flooring around it. And there are other elements already procured that will complete the dream lair I have fantisized about creating since I first walked into the then dingy space four years ago.

Pool Table: Our neighbor gave us a pretty serious slate pool table which sits completely disassembled in our furnace room. I found a guy on a local classified ads site (think Canadian Craigs List) that will drive out here from Brockville to put it together, replace the bumpers, level and re-felt it. We also have a Budweiser pool table light that my Dad somehow talked a Florida bartender into giving him about 5 years ago that we’ve held onto ever since.

Da Bar: The base of the bar will be made out of either brick or plywood but I plan to cover it with rocks out of the adjascent lake to kind of “bring the outdoors in” or something.

Bigscreen TV: A purchase from a neighbor who’s interior decorator told him it took up too much room, the cabinet color was stifling and most likely that he also wanted to give him a handjob. I got this 3-year-old 60+ inch rear projection monster for a song and it will have a sound-surrounded place of leather couch honor in the new room.

Arcade Game: I will be discussing the “nerd box” in a separate article, but the short version is that while looking for an old, beat up, classic stand up arcade game (complete with numerous cigarette burns no doubt) I found something much, much better. Stay tuned for exceptional fucking nerdery on this one, folks. Your jaws will drop.

Dart Board: I found a company online who makes replica vintage Guiness dartboard cabinets and ships them to Canada complete with a top-quality bristle dartboard. Done and done. I also recently found the small velcro wallet containing my Dad’s old darts and the naked lady flights I remember so well from childhood. And no, I have never wanked to a dart flight. As far as you know.

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As if I didn’t hate spirit orbs enough – One of them is Bob Vila.

Spencer is now brushing conditioner onto the sanded wood, to ensure it stains evenly, and the smell is so strong that I am quite positively more buzzed than a huffer under a bridge in Smiths Falls. I must retreat for the evening, but I hope you’ve enjoyed my tales of renovation and you can see the full gallery as it progresses here.

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