Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

Not to be Confused with Mojito


in Animalistic

Do you think that if a genie or some kind of forest gnome approached you and granted three wishes you’d opt for the eradication of mosquitos as one of your selections? I would. Obviously several species of bird and a few other animals down the chain would become extinct immediately, having suddenly lost a major food source, but still – I hate the little fuckers and I want them wiped off the face of the Earth for good like the DoDo.

World peace, fame and fortune are all well and good, but the gnomes are usually sticklers about the three wish limit. So mosquito extinction, fame and fortune would be the order of my special wish day. We hosted a Spanish exchange student named Maria for a couple of months back in high school and I remember her and her friends were horrified at the mere concept of whiny little bastard insects that not only suck your blood but replace it with a poison which renders you itchy for many days afterwards. I even remember the funny way they pronounced the word: mossh-kee-toes – always with a disgusted grimace on their faces. Apparently they don’t exist in Spain – correct me if I’m wrong. And then send me an immigration document.

What a glorious thought. A world without mosquitoes. Depending on the time of day I can be surrounded by 10 of the horrible things about 30 seconds after walking out my front door. If I’m trying to get some work done I usually lather up in repellent, take my chances and deal with the resulting bite pains and neck scratching. I took a good look at my arms tonight while sitting at my desk deciding what to write about and realized I look like I’ve got some sort of pioneer smallpox. I have been bitten so many times since the snow melted and the bastard bugs appeared that I hardly even notice it anymore. I’m like one of those rattlesnake preachers: “Repent or face eternal toe knuckle itchiness!”

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Taxing the Internet? Seriously, Frig Off


in Endorsements

A pal ‘o mine has just launched a website designed to create a petition against, and awareness surrounding, a proposed internet tax which could be implemented shortly after the election in November. McCain has already denounced it, and I imagine Obama will follow suit – so it’s not really a dividing issue. Still, you should be aware of it and I hope you take the time today to sign your name.

internet-tax

The tax will actually be aimed at ISPs (Internet Service Providers) and they will no doubt pass those additional monies on to you – their customers. So you’re not only sounding off on a current event, you’re helping to ensure your internet bill doesn’t suffer a considerable increase about 6 months from now. It literally takes seconds to contribute a signature – Mr. Zarrella strove to make it as simple as possible. Your email addresses will not be sold, distributed or otherwise spammed in any way. Do it today, and keep your many hours spent on YouPorn.com as inexpensive as possible.

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Hot Scum


in Canadiana, Pye in the Face

It’s been awfully quiet around here this week, and I’m not too certain why. My head wasn’t in the game, I suppose. I am trying to eliminate a lot of the things I spend time doing that don’t make me money. Silly websites, controlling Nico Bellic, Forensic files, etc. This is all in the hopes that I will spend said time doing constructive things. Working on sites that may actually make money someday or already do, yard work, walking the puppies. I think authoring this website, as scattered and therefore un-monetizeable as it is, falls into the latter category, as it’s the closest thing to a head-shrinker I’ll see round these here parts.

This reminds me of a post I wrote about three years ago, which I can’t seem to find for the life of me, where I spoke to my blog as if I were a douchebag boyfriend. “You’re my blog, baby. And I love you. Don’t listen to them busybodies down at the hair salon. I’m not going anywhere, baby… cause I love you.” Well tonight I’m that same scumbag slinking back to further ruin the life of the naive young lass. “It won’t happen again, baby. I’ve changed, baby – I’ve changed!”

I haven’t changed, and neither will Lorenzo. Truth is – it’s getting hot. Damn hot up here and I think I’ll be spending a lot more time at the computer over the next 4 months. People think Canada is cold. Well it is – a lot frickin’ further far North than I currently live. In Southern Ontario it’s no cooler than the hot asphalt of the North End between the months of June and October, and I don’t do well in the heat. I sweat like a fat person. OK, like a much fatter person. So I’ll be inside quite a bit, in the cool air of the basement office I plan to construct this weekend, and therefore a little more prolific. You lucky people.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: There Goes the Scotch


in Friday's Quizzlet

Appetizer: What was your favorite cartoon when you were a child?
I used to love Saturday mornings and remember that Dungeons and Dragons, The Smurfs, G.I. Joe and a bunch of others were always on my dance card. But the 70’s version of Spider-Man was my very favorite. I still remember every word of the fantastic theme song – lemme see if I can find it somewhere. Got it – wow that takes me back. I love the furious horns and the Buddy Love style to it. Must have been made in the late 60’s. I half expected a cartoon version of Sammy Davis Jr. to shoot lazers at Spidey out of his gold-rimmed glasses by the end of it.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4o29VoxtsFk[/youtube]

Soup: Pretend you are about to get a new pet. Which animal would you pick, and what would you name it?
I just went through all of this, actually. I picked a dog, a Boston Terrier and I named him Shepherd. I also considered “Huck” (Huckleberry Pye) and Indy (we named the dog Indiana!) but Shepherd fit the Pye naming convention perfectly, and is actually a respectable dog’s name historically. “Old Shep” is a well known Walter Brennan song about a beloved dog and was eventually even covered by Elvis himself. I love Brennan – you’ll remember him as John Wayne’s old-coot of a side kick in several Westerns, particularly Rio Bravo. “I picked up my gun, and aimed it at Shep’s faithful head“. Jesus, I hope it never comes to that.

Salad: On a scale of 1-10, how much do you enjoy getting dressed up for special occasions?
I haven’t had cause to wear a tuxedo in a good 10 years but I am a groomsman at my friend’s wedding in September and was just sent a tux rental form for the occasion. I’ll enjoy it. I’ll make lots of Dean Martin jokes. Probably drink scotch all night. 2 fingers, 3 ice cubes – just the way Francis Albert liked it. Then I’ll fall asleep alone in a hotel room and wake up hating life. I get to go to 4 weddings in September. In 4 different States. And yes – I want to kill myself.

Main Course: What kind of music do you listen to while you drive?
Excellent question, quizzlet. Your excellent questions are few and far between. I’d like to take this opportunity to list my favorite driving songs of all time. I’ll number them, but there’s not really any particular order.

  1. RoadRunner by The Modern Lovers – Jonathan Richman’s tribut to Massachusetts and driving down Route 128. “The highway is your girlfriend as you go by quick. Suburban trees, suburban speed and it smells like thunder.”
  2. Threshold Apprehension by Frank Black – Read my review. I get pulled over nearly everytime my iPod shuffles to this track.
  3. There Goes the Fear by The Doves – All time favorite sinalong, and the nutty Brazilian rhythms will make the hours fly past, providing that you play the song 27 times in a row. Maybe that’s just me.

Dessert: When was the last time you bought a clock? And in which room did you put it?
I bought a Kids in the Hall clock off of eBay a couple of years back, and it hung proudly in my North End kitchen until I moved back to the Great White North a year ago this very month. It’s currently in a box out in the Winchester and I look forward to restoring it to a place of honor when I get around to going through all my stored stuff this summer. Now that is a DVD set I really need to break down and purchase, Santa. The series left me scarred. Scarred for LIFE! Bu-gock!

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