Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is released one month from today. I have had so much fun anticipating the film and enjoying the trickle of photos and info as it’s been revealed that I almost dread Indy’s impending arrival. I’d probably tack on another month if I could just to revel in the antici… pation a little while longer.

Just what am I supposed to focus my rampant nerdery after May 22nd, I ask you? Being an Indy fan is almost forgivable and cool. There isn’t a phaser, a star ship or a pair of pointy ears in sight. I’m afraid I might blow a gasket and start playing D&D with myself at night. By candlelight. On the end of my dock. You know – really give the ladies something to start swooning about.

While we’re all here, and I can still share some of my alarmingly comprehensive KOTCS knowledge with you before the big day, I suppose I should. Especially since I have so much of it rolling around in my crystal skull that I can boil it all down to only the most interesting rumors, plot points, character info, etc. I’ll try to stay away from brutal spoilers, but be forewarned.

• Some early reports say that Indy 4 is too long, too far-fetched and that the reason the studio isn’t allowing reviewers to see it until the day before it is released (highly unusual) is because it’s just plain bad. One article even goes so far as to predict Shia Labeouf’s Mutt Williams is the franchise’s very own Jar Jar Binks.
• Other early reports say that it is the best of the sequels, with the best story, the best ensemble of actors and characters in the series and that George and Steven are keeping their cards close to their chest right up until the release as a service to the loyal fan base who may have the experience sullied if too much gets out.
• I have read in several places that Cate Blanchett’s villainess, Russian Agent Irina Spalko, is pitch perfect and jaw-dropping as a female Indy baddie. One lucky and anonymous chap who has seen the final film called it a “characterization that achieves instant cult status”. If you haven’t seen her in costume, enjoy. I know I do every night before bed with a belt around my neck for about 2 and a half minutes:

• Although he’s been the brunt of jokes since the movie was announced, I haven’t heard one negative peep regarding Harrison Ford’s 66 years. What I have heard is that he is convincing, in amazing shape and looking good. There are plenty of photos now online and a full length trailer to support this. If you have yet to see the Indy 4 trailer, click through and do so. If you remotely enjoyed Indy films as a kid and you don’t get a massive chill – there is something very wrong with you. And actually, just frig off to go rent Atonement.

The days leading up to Indy 4 have me as optimistic as ever, but not blindly so – I realize that reviving the franchise almost 20 years after the Last Crusade can be accurately considered a fool’s errand. If the movie ends up stinking like a Nazi rotting in the hot sun, I won’t pretend that it doesn’t. My faith is strong, however. I haven’t seen or read anything that worries me. We’re coming off a year that saw both Rambo and Rocky come back and work. I still predict that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will see a 66 year-old Harrison Ford spearheading the largest grossing summer action movie in history. I’ve called my shot. Now I need to call my mother to come pick me up.

I’ve been at rapt nerd attention when it comes to all things Indy 4, but I haven’t broken any hot news items or derived any potential plot spoilers from the available information myself. However, I think I just figured something out that I haven’t seen mentioned anywhere yet so I’ll share it with you here first.

What do you get when you cross a National Geographic for Kids article which eludes to Indy and Mutt Williams running through the jungle being chased by “giant bugs”…

With track 16 on the unreleased soundtrack listing by John Williams entitled, “ANTS!”…

Presumably, something like this:

Did Indy and Mutt follow the giant ants upon Hagrid’s advice looking for Aragog? George. Steven. I’d like a word.