Janet and I have never had a dog before. It’s not that we didn’t like them, it’s that my father vehemently hated canines so we became cat people by default. The first time I ever learned the word “shit” was probably due to the frequency with which Gord referred to my Grandmother’s dog, Buffy, as a “four-legged shit maker”. Our lack of a dog was never an issue for the younger Pyes. We had hamsters, gerbils, sea monkeys, hermit crabs, fish, guinea pigs and a whole herd of cats. A dog was not missed and I’ve discussed this at length before.

Our decision to get not one but two dogs was made rather quickly around a trailer park propane fire in the midst of a white wine fueled evening in Florida. I’ve never second-guessed the decision and I’m pretty sure my sister hasn’t either. We’ve both read multiple books in preparation and she will be taking over Rhuby-rearing duties from me when she moves up here, permanently, in two weeks. So if that cat wasn’t officially out of the bag in Boston – it is now. I love Rhuby as much as I love Shep. She’s clever, obedient and loveable. But I am looking forward to some one-on-one time with Shep because their training is definitely suffering for two reasons which are very clear to me.

It is extremely difficult to train two puppies at once. The moment you focus your attention on one animal over the other, the odd-dog-out immediately begins doing everything in its puppy power to get that attention back. This can include biting the haunches of the other dog as you’re attempting to work, crying loudly if separated and worrying the other dog so it becomes completely distracted, leaving a huge steaming poo pyramid that would make Imhotep jealous right next to where you’re crouched and attempting to focus, etc. And imagine trying to teach them their names if they are always together. It’s a literal shit show and I don’t want to fall behind.

It is extremely difficult to train puppies when it is 10 below. I had optimistically planned, since I work from home, to have Shep and Rhuby fully house trained by the second week. No such luck. They start shivering like methodone patients as soon as I open the door on the worst Canadian winter in 15 years. And as we live on a lake there is usually a huge gust blowing up the lawn that sounds like the Kraken approaching the house. I’ve gotten Shep to pee on the side deck, which I have cleared off and put puppy pads out on, a couple of times now but Rhuby wants none of it. I think if it were nice outside they’d be chomping at the bit to get out there as often as possible and the toilet training would be all but complete. I may invest in a couple of dog sweaters the next time I am in town.

It’s not all a nightmare – The pups are excelling in several areas. They have never woken me up at night. I think this is due to the fact that they are sleeping together in the same crate, although I have bought two and plan to switch them soon. They have never wet the crate during an overnight confinement. They are respectful of the cat and do not chase it around the way I feared they would. 90% of the pee and 75% of the poo released in the kitchen is done so on the approved puppy pads. They have learned “leave it” and can usually be corrected easily when biting something they shouldn’t be.

I have created a “No-No Can” which was a tip from both a book and my breeder. It’s a Chunky Soup can with the label boiled off, filled with my loose change collection and sealed up with duct tape. It’s noisy as an MF and upon shaking it the puppies immediately stop whatever naughtiness they are perpetuating. I don’t show them the can so they don’t associate the noise with me. “Me chew baby gate, me hear loud sound. Me no chew baby gate, sound go away”. It’s that simple and it works.

So that’s my life as a puppy care giver. I enjoy it but I’m definitely concerned about their training progress. Friday night I was in Best Buy and picked up season one of the Dog Whisperer. Amazing stuff. I certainly welcome all non-Cesar comments and advice too!