Search Results for: porn

Appetizer: Who is the one person you email more often than anyone else?
Work related clients usually. Personally, it really depends on what’s going on and who’s in the ‘sphere’ at a given time. I’m not a very chatty person. Oh, and then there’s my Tanzanian penpal, Ndugu.

Soup: So far, which year of your life has been the most enjoyable?
That’s impossible to say. I’ve always had myself just a rockin’ little good time. My University degree is nothing short of a Papal miracle, and the years since have been boozy and brazen. I have no regrets, though – I traveled the world, met many amazing people and got a lot out of my system. My wanderlust is satisfied and I can now focus on a career with a minimum of distractions. Sating wanderlust has a flipside, though – as I’m 31 and still have roomates. Ladies? Form a line to the left.

Salad: Name someone with whom you have lost touch but would like to reunite.
I am what Malcolm Gladwell refers to as a ‘connector’ – and therefore have a hard time falling out of contact with anybody. But if I do lose touch with someone, there’s usually a very good reason behind it. Like a 500-yard restraining order.

Main Course: What was the tastiest meal you had this past week?
A chicken pot pie at John Harvard‘s would have to take the cake. Tasty, flaky, chickeny goodness. Unfortunately I left my credit card there so I have to return tonight to get it. And I think there might just be another pot pie waiting for me at the end of that Thin Red Line.

Dessert: Use letters in your favorite color to describe your personality.
Ooooh! Let me go grab My Little Pony real quick and I’ll think about it on the way. Quizzlet, please.

Appetizer: If you had a free subscription to any mag, which would you pick?

Didn’t we have an extremely similar question just recently? Yawn. No matter, I’ve changed my mind. It would be a disturbing hybrid of the new hardcore version of Hustler and Tiger Beat.

Soup: If you became famous, what would you choose as your stage name?

I’d use my real name. I have a blog – obviously I’m not too concerned with anonymity. But let’s talk about porn star names for a minute. Chime in with yours: you remember the drill – your first name is your first pet, your surname is the street you grew up on. That would make me “Apple Island View”. Not so catchy in the light of day. I think I’d go with Dick Hertz.

Salad: What ingredients make an awesome salad?

Cheese, cheese and cheese. I don’t care if it’s gorganzola, feta or even something you picked out from between your toes. The Cobb, the Greek – all lovely. I often carry bricks of gouda over to friend’s dinner parties in case they’re not hip to the practice. And when I tell them I’ve got a little gouda in my pants, they look at me with sad eyes and say, “please leave now”.

Main Course: What do you like most about your current job?

The ability to make or break online businesses based on my skills. SEO skills, Bowstaff skills, etc. We do more of the making, and less of the breaking, thankfully. We’re a small, cohesive unit who can have a massive impact on anyone who signs on. The marketplace is becoming flooded, however, and I fear it is not to last. And Yetis.

Dessert: Who is your favorite instrumental musician (not a singer)?

I’m gonna run with this one a bit. There have been 3 extremely influential guitarists in the past 20 years that I want to mention. The first being The Edge from U2. Like the band or not, when he plays you know it’s him – and it’s extremely hard to find a signature sound on an instrument that exists in such abundance and is so widely used across all musical genres. The second is Johnny Marr of The Smiths for much the same reason. Marr forever changed the way in which a generation of subsequent strummers approached the insturment. Extremely complicated chord progressions and rhythms. Marr’s anithesis, Joey Santiago, is my third choice. He is the polar opposite of Marr – came onto the scene with only a few years of experience under his belt, technically a very poor guitarist. But the fearless sounds that he managed to make have yet to be duplicated, although many have tried. Find the songs ‘Something Against You’ or ‘Vamos’ by The Pixies, lock yourself in a dark room and then crank the volume up to 10 if you don’t believe me. You know what? I am going to blare them both right now.

Appetizer: If you had a free password to an online service, which would it be?

One that combined stock-trading, music downloads, debt-consolidation and fantasy cartoon Star Wars porn. Leia wasn’t chained to Jabba to keep her from escaping. She was into that sort of shit.

Soup: Describe your bathroom (furnishings, colors, etc.).

Do smears count? It’s a tiny North End bathroom. Tub, sink, towel-rack. Purple crayon mark on one of the walls because Jim Fitzgerald thought that might be amusing one New Year’s Eve several years ago. And, get this, a toilet-brush! Feel free to come on by and check it out. Just follow your nose.

Salad: What does the shape of a triangle make you think of?

That other Mel Brooks Nazi pardody movie where all the gays had to wear pink triangles like the jews used to have to wear identifiers in WWII. Hitler: All I want is peace. Peace! Peace! [singing] A little piece of Poland, a little piece of France…

Main Course: Name 3 things or activities that you consider to be luxuries.

Being born North American. Being born rich. Being born without any sort of physical deformity. One out of three ain’t bad.

Dessert: What was the last really great movie you watched?

I’ve been on a tear lately. All great films. Hotel Rwanda made me realize that machetes are an excellent way to hack someone to death. The Aviator teaches us that in addition to being hilarious, obsessive compulsive disorders can help you amass huge financial fortunes. The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou – Bill Murray in a Speedo. ‘Nuff said.

Appetizer: Make up a word and give us its definition.

Balderdash is the best board game ever devised. If you’ve played it, you already know that the object is to try and bluff/fool your friends into picking your phony definition of a real, but little known, word. One night, senior year of high school, Mike, Kent, Nate and a few others were playing it around my kitchen table. I got the word ‘scumble‘ and defined it as “Any fight taking place in West Concord“. When that particular group would get together and play, the game would become about cracking up your friends. That was one of the hardest laughs I’ve ever had. But I don’t want anyone to think we spent our Friday nights sitting inside playing board games because that would be uncool. Not at all – Friday nights were for Dungeons and Dragons.

Soup: What is currently your favorite song?

I’ve previously stated that pound-for-pound, my all-time favorite song is There Goes The Fear by The Doves. And I imagine it always will be. The Pixies’ amazing rendition of Something Against You last night at Avalon would run a close second. But the album I’m currently playing the hell out of at work is Lou Reed‘s New York. I haven’t given it any attention for a decade, and it’s still brilliant.

Salad: What’s at the top of your Christmas wish list this year?

“My Christmas Wish List” in big, red crayon.

Main Course: Name a scent that reminds you of someone in your life.

Hi Karate always reminds me of a shop teacher I had in grade 7. The rumor was, that this guy had removed the inside of his pants pockets. And had once, while he was holding a piece of wood or a hammer or something, asked a student to reach into his pocket to get a tape measure – where they then found themselves grasping a semi-chubbed giggle stick. This story spread like wild-fire throughout our school, and I always felt bad for the man because he seemed absolutely harmless when I was locked in his office with him looking at Austrian pornography.

Dessert: Who is someone on television that you feel probably shouldn’t be?

Jon Stewart. He’s adored by hundreds of thousands of young, impressionable people who are too thick to discern real news from satire. And he’s violently partisan, which makes it all the more unhealthy. I am the complete opposite of a Jon Stewart fan. Used to go see his stand-up, now all I want to do is see him fall down – on a chainsaw.

Appetizer: What do you think is the perfect age to get married? To have a child?

No one has any business getting married until they’re at least 27 or so. See the world, meet some people and as cliched as this sounds – ‘find yourself’. I’ve had a pretty wild life so far, and have been lucky in terms of travels, relationships, friends and adventure. I am faithful that the rest will fall into place by itself. When it does, I’ll be comfortable and ready – with no room for regrets in my head full of fevered, debaucherous memories. In reality, I’m probably going to die alone at age 52 beside a trunk full of pornography.

Soup: If you could change occupations, what would you want to do for a living?

I probably should have been a police detective. I have this ingrained sense of right and wrong and although it veers disturbingly in certain areas, it has served me well thus far. I don’t shirk when I see a dead body, I look good in bad suits, I already consume unhealthy amounts of coffee and donuts and can readily repeat the statistic “more (police) cars were destroyed in the making of the Blues Brothers than any film in history”. Wouldn’t you feel safer at night?

Salad: What does the color green make you think of?

Menthol. A couple of years ago I had a strange phase. I was given a can of menthol shaving cream and things just snowballed from there. I started buying skin lotion with menthol. Then I got some face cream with menthol. Then I bought a bottle of mentholated schnapps and woke up suddenly in an ATM vestibule. I knew it had gotten out of control when I bought a carton of Newports and then smoked the whole thing at the Dudley T stop in Roxbury.

Main Course: Has something happened over the last year that you didn’t expect?

My expectations have been exceedingly low in recent years, so this could be any number of things. Vanilla Coke was an emotional moment for me, for example. I’m certainly glad that the Eastern Seabord hasn’t been reduced to rubble by now as I’d predicted. I feel obliged to ask Mr. Al Zarqawi – ‘Can’t we all just just get along?’ Barring his answer being anything other than ‘Hammala! Hammala!Hammala!’ Or ‘Allah akbar’, I say we make Fallujah the new ‘Silicon Valley’ – or ‘smoking crater of hot sand’, to be more specific.

Dessert: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Maybe I should switch to a quiz that isn’t written by a woman? Nah, I’ll be a good sport. Her name was Suzanne, and it was 1986 – so I would have been 13. This was my first real kiss. The earth moved. I’m talking boobie-grabbing, tongue and all while I had her propped up on a dryer in my friend Chris‘s basement during a birthday party. This girl moved fast – she was 15 and already in high school. I won’t go into any more detail because my mother reads this, but let’s just say it was a very interesting 3 months. God bless ya, ya feckin’ cradle-robber, ya – wherever you are.